How do you know when you have had too much to drink? When you ran over 7 pedestrians and are lying in the back of a police vehicle

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? Phil, because that's his name.

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Knock Knock Whose there? Ben Dover Come in

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What do you call a black Englishmen? Rodger

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Why do new moms put "BABY ON BOARD" stickers on the backs of their cars? No reason. Hitting someone's car baby inside or not is against the law and very dangerous for passengers of any age.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a worm in every apple.

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Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet eating her curds and way, along came a spider who sat there beside her and asked, "Hey bitch what's in the bowl?"

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a kid plays computer games alot and gets carpoltunel in both hands and lives in pain for the rest of his life.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Cancer

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you walk into a bar Griffin: 'are you ok'

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Why was the boy's face red? He put his cat in a blender.

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A guy asks his girl friend to marry him and she says yes, so he buys her a new car - a Lamborghini Countach - she loves this car and she goes everywhere in it. One day, she picks up her kids from school. She's got a boy and a girl. As she's driving down the road, a car pulls up in front of her and they have a really nasty accident and she falls into a coma. When she wakes up from the coma there is a doctor next to her and she quickly asks doctor, "Where is my son? He was really good at football, he could have played for England and been better than Beckham." The doctor replies, "I'm so sorry, in the accident he lost his leg he won't be able to kick a football any more." The woman asks about her daughter. "Doctor, where is my daughter? She was really good at tennis and she could have been the best in the world and won at Wimbledon." The doctor says, "Sorry but in the accident she lost her arms and she won't be able to pick up a racket any more." She begins to cry. "Doctor," asks the woman, "how long have I been in this coma?" The doctor replies, "Six months." "So what's the date?" asks the woman. "April 1st," says the doctor. The woman begins to laugh "So you were joking then, were you?" Doctor: "YES... they had minor breaks and cuts but both have made full recoveries. I'll get them and your fiancé down here straight away." The woman is relieved and is discharged three days later to continue recuperating at home, while the doctor is sent to a tribunal for tricking her into believing her children had been maimed and eventually accepts early retirement with a generous severance package.

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Q: What do you do when you see a man with no arms and no legs walking down the street? A: You wonder how the hell he is walking

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How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie-roll center of a tootsie-pop? zero if you bite it

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What happens when an old lady bumps into a black man in the middle of the night? He politely offers her help getting home and she accepts.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I have no idea but I don't see why it would want to cross a road in the first place. It is a chicken.

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Q: What did blue say to red? A: Let's make some purple

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How do you rescue a fat girl that's stuck under a car? With a pickaxe and a donkey.

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How can you tell Santa is racist? He doesn't give Africans presents.

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How many licks did it take for the owl to get to the center of the tootsie roll tootsie pop? A: Since when did owls have tounges?

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Knock Knock Who's there? Interrupting owl Interrupting owl- HOOOOOOOOOOOO

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What do you get when you cross a crocodile and a couch? A coat because vests don't have sleeves.

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It's not that hard to be Dyslexic. You just have to accept it nad ovem no.

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What's worse than getting hit by a bus? Getting hit by two buses.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops