A man walked into a bar. He was meeting his friends but was 30 minutes early so he went down the road to buy some food. He had recently began dieting after watching a series of lifestyle programs which informed him of the potential risks involved with high cholesterol and blood pressure levels. He purchased a garden salad and a freshly squeezed orange juice, and made it back to the bar in time to meet his friends.

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When life gives you lemons. Don't take things from strangers

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What has two legs and bleeds a lot? Half a dog.

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What do you get when you combine a cat and a dog? A Cog

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haiku's are funny. but sometimes they don't make sense. refrigerator.

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What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby? I take my cleats off when I jump on the trampoline

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Trees are red, Bushes are red, Oh shit, my garden is on fire

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What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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There are too many people in this bar, a man says. He then walks out of the bar and proceeds to visit his grandmother. Orange.

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A man walks into a bar with a monkey..I forget the rest but your mother is a whore.

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What's slow and spotted? A cheetah, I lied about the slow part

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How do you fit an elephant into a car? You can't. Unless it's a baby elephant. You would probably also need a convertible with the top down.

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A priest enters a bar moments after a young teen walks into the same bar. The priest scolds the teen, warning him of the possibility of arrest, alcoholism, and other bad life consquences. The teen apologizes to the bartender, and much later in life, he thanks the priest.

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What did a blonde and a Puerto Rican name their baby? Joshua, after the blonde's grandfather who passed away a year earlier.

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What do you get when you cross a muffin with chocolate chips? A chocolate chip muffin.

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How many dyslexic people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Filing cabinet.

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A man walks into a bar, he sits down.

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Wanna hear a funny story? Sure. Ok,

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whats worse that finding your having sex with your long lost sister? having sex with your long lost brother

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Why did Mia fall off of Lucy's bike? Because Lucy didn't like Mia and shot her in the face.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie roll pop? It would have to take a reasonable amount of licks for enough enzymes in the saliva to breakdown the hard candy part.

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Q: How many burgers did little Johnny eat? A: Involuntary erections.

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Why did the boy stay in the closet? Because the door was locked.

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What do you call a jew in an oven? A safety hazard

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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