How many midgets does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. Midgets are capable of doing an average person's everyday task. Unless they have autism, then they might as well die.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A horse walks into a Bakery and asks "Do you have any wheat bread?", and the Baker replies "No, we only have white bread." So the horse says: "Thats okay, I rode my bike today."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why could'nt Boris fit in with the other kids? His name was Boris.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A priest, a rabbi and a shaman walk into a bar. Except there is no rabbi and there is no shaman and the bar is actually my 8th birthday party priest is molesting me. And the priest is my dad. My dad molested me. A lot...

thumb_up thumb_down

There was a blonde, brunette, and a redhead. They are finally spending a relaxing afternoon together as a result of being restricted to their heavy therapeutic sessions which they are constantly in need of because all three have been diagnosed with clinical depression since everyone jokes about them so much and in conclusion, they don't see each other very often.

thumb_up thumb_down

Lizards are like marshmellows. If you put them in the microwave they blow up.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Whats the difference between a waffle and a pancake? One is made in a waffle iron. And the other is made on a pan.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's bad for your teeth? A brick

thumb_up thumb_down -8

I went to buy some camouflage shorst the other day but I couldn't find any.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations]) That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do you call a fly with no wings? Joseph

thumb_up thumb_down -12

whats the difference between a chicken and a grape? there both green exept for the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Have you seen stevie wonders house? Nope... Neither has he

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Women are like puzzles. Because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A cannibal wearing a sport coat, grey slacks, and a pink tie walks into a bar holding a duck in one hand, a chicken in the other, and chewing on a human arm. He is subsequently shot by one of the patrons. There's a concealed weapons law here.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

If you live in the 'living' room, what do you do in the others? You die.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Where did all the time go? In a recent study, 100% of all time, all systems go.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Will you marry me? I'm an atheist. ,.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

What do you call a group of homosexuals placing an order at McDonalds? Gay

thumb_up thumb_down +141

Why did the police stopped the black driver? Because one of his car's lights was busted.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Arrow to the Knee

thumb_up thumb_down +37

The NBA lockout

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Q. Whats the difference between watermelons and people? A. Watermelons don't smoke pot...

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A blond and a brunette took an IQ test. Both of them scored above average.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops