A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so can I have your text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

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Why did the cat cross the road? he wanted to be a docter.

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How much is that doggy in the window? It's not for sale....it's waiting to be euthanized.

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what did the tomato say when he was cut open? nothing, because vegetables are unable to speak

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I have down syndrome. -RDV

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Yo momma so fat, she has large amount of fat deposited in her body

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whats green and dont fit? a dead epileptic.

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Apparently I'm an unfit father, cuz all I know is dope and all I got is 30 dollas

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Now I have been typing without even thinking about that, and you have been following me.

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Why's the sun red? It's not it's orange.........retard

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Want to hear a joke? ... Oh dear, I can't think of any. Golly, this is embarrassing.

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Why did the teenage girl pee on a stick? She and her boyfriend had foolishly engaged in unprotected sex two weeks before, and she was now concerned that she may be pregnant.

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How do u get Hitler out of a car? You open the door.

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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? This would be unlikely to happen, as it would cut the story short.

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What's funnier than diarrhoea? Cancer What's funnier than cancer? The holocaust

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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H o m o comes out as homo

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What did the zombie eat for breakfast? You. You fell a-sleep

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if 5+5=10 then 7+9=52

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Why couldn't the pirate get into the movie? Because he was armed and clearly inebriated.

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Q: Why do some women insist they don't have penises or testicles? All humans have penises and testicles! A: These women have been brainwashed by feminism. It's quite sad, really.

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What do you call a person with a cane? someone with a walking disability

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I had some crack, my unicorn says hi.

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What did the orange say to the lemon? We are both alike but a differnt color

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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