what did Stephen Hawking say to the prostitute? My illness prevents me from achieving erection.


Why was the boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face


A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park.

Q. How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub? A. 17.

So this guy walks into the doctor's and says "Doctor, it hurts when I poke my leg like this." The doctor says "Yes, you've shattered both your kneecaps. You'll never walk again."

So a Hispanic, African-American, Jewish, and Asian man were walking down the street. They were involved in a parade that celebrated racial equality.

Women's Rights

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You set an alarm for a reasonable hour.

A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, "What'll it be?" The duck doesn't say anything because its a duck.

what do you get when you stick a pair of scissors in a four year old? an erection.

For anti-joke.com, there should be a section called "Hot" that shows new jokes which are given 5 thumbs up or up. This way we would get new jokes on the popular section instead of having the same ones for a very long time. I know this isn't a joke, but thumbs up if you agree.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Wheres my tractor?

Why doesn't Michael Jackson play with Macaulay Culkin? Because he's dead.

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side!

Why is six afraid of seven? Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness. Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "why the long face?". The horse replies "My wife is dying of terminal cancer."

Your mother is so stupid that she was tested and proved to be mentally retarded.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Domestic violence is a crime. She should leave her abusive partner and seek help.

A white guy, a black guy, and a spanish guy jump off a building. They all die on impact and their families mourn their loss for years to come.


Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!


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