What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Q. What did the wierd kid get for christmas A. A Pokemon diamond edition

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Three soldiers, one Japanese, one American, and one Italian were stuck in a desert. How did they escape? A rescue squad of thirty trained troops came down in a helicopter and brought them each to their respective homes except the Italian who was actually a Mafia boss so they put him in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

"What is the sound of one hand clapping?" "I'm not quite sure, but your on fire."

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What did suzie do when she dropped her cookie? She died because it was secretly a bomb

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did Billy drop his ice cream? He found out his family was killed in a terrorist attack.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A dinosaur walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender goes home and tells his wife what he saw. His wife leaves him.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the man fall of the building? Someone shot both of his kneecaps.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

69

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Q: What do racists call a disgusting filthy monkey that savagely jumps around in the jungle and steals white chicks? A: The same as the rest, Donkey Kong.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple Not the holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A black man, a white man, and a Mexican walk into a bar. The bartender kicks them out because he doesn't have time for another crappy joke; as the bar is very crowded that night.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

There is a British man, a Mexican man,and a American man on a boat. The captain sad the boat is carrying to much weight so the each have to throw off something they have to much of. The Brit throws tea, The Mexican throws tacos, and The American throws the Mexican.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the polar bear cross the road? He didn't, there are no roads in Antarctica.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A dolphin walks into a bar. Dolphins do not have legs therefore this is physically impossible.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How many beavers can you fit in one paddling pool? None; it's probably very dangerous trying

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Guy 1: why are you such a douche? Guy 2: cause douches get the most p***y

thumb_up thumb_down -15

2 out of 4 questions. How do you get an elephant in a fridge? Open it, take the girrafe out, put the elephant in, and close it.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Roses are red. Violets are blue. These are facts. Good day.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Knock Knock Who's there? Gestapos.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What is worst then falling off a tree....... Falling off a bigger tree

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because seven, eight, nine.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's the difference between a horse? All legs are of equal length, especially the left one.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops