How do you kill a baby quickly? The better question is why kill a baby quickly?

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What's white and hides behind a tree? Shy milk.

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What did the two fire men say to each other whilst a house was burning? Well be better put that fire.

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Why did Charlie Sheen laugh at the TV? Because there happened to be a comedy on.

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Roses are red violets are blue I hate rhyming pancakes

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My doctor recommended I take anger management classes. That really pisses me off.

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What do you call a man with a bad haircut? A man with a bad haircut

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Why are you going to thumbs this joke up? Because I use the words "Chuck Norris" Thus making it impossible to not thumbs up.

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A man walks into a bar, has a few drinks and spots a nice looking lady He then follows her home and molestes her child.

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Why did the blond play Russian roulette? She is very poor and needs the money so she can feed her son.

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Why did the girl suck the other guy off? to get paid

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What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord? My ass

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You are so gay you frequently, and consentingly are sodomized by men and frivolously enjoy it.

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What's gold and looks like a brick? A gold brick. What's gold and looks like a nugget? A gold nugget. Whats gold and like a car? Gold. I lied about the car.

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How do you fit 100 babies in a bucket? put them in a blender. How do you get them out? potato chips.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Whats worse than having a woman faking an orgasm? Having a guy fake one.

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Racial Equality.

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What is Justin Bieber + One less lonely girl. A BABY

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What's faster than a black guy with your TV? Probably someone who doesn't have to carry such a heavy object.

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Izzy and Zayn Malick got married. Then Zayn asked for a divorce due to their age difference..

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What would be the consequence of a terrorist detonating a 500 kT nuclear bomb in Manhattan? A ridiculous question. All enriched uranium in Pakistan is safe and out of reach of terrorists, their govt. has assured. Please ask about realistic scenarios next time.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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