What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names

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What do you call a pig with one eye? A pig.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Most likely to get to a source of food or escape a predator.

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Their, they're, there You're, your

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What did the pimp do to his bitch? He thanked her and rewarded her for her years of dedication and preserverance

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Wanna know a funny word? Pickle-weasel.

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What happens when you murder someone? The Government murders you.

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What happened to the lady with cancer?? She got shot!!

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Three women are on an airplane. One's a blonde, one's a redhead, and one's a brunette. Unfortunately, the plane was going to crash and there was nothing they could do but jump out and parachute to safety. So the captain said to each of the three ladies, "You can only take one of your possessions when you parachute out of the plane." The blonde says "I will take my watch becau--" But before she could finish her sentence the plane exploded because the flames on the wing had ignited the fuel tank. No one survived.

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released into a nearby park.

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What did the virgin get for her birthday? Aids

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Why wasn't there a rainbow? It didn't rain.

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Ask if I'm a aardvark. Are you a aardvark? Yes.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? Set an alarm for an appropriate time

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Did you hear about the deer? He had antlers. If antlers where a kind of disease, that would be a pun.

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what do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef

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Four homosexuals walk into a bar. They notice that there's only one stool left at the bar itself. They sat at a table with four chairs. They had a delightful time.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Look at that bitches asss!!

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Why couldn't Helen Keller see or hear? She was blind and deaf.

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Who can make 50 iPads in 1 hour? An Asian

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What do you a call a person who can't fly. A person.

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Q: What time do you see a Chinese dentist? A: Never because China has a flawed healthcare system due to overpopulation. It is a sad and sobering reality of the plight of the Chinese citizens.

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How do you do you cure cancer? Very carefully.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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