Why did the boy not wake up on time for school? He was fuck in dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A Jew walks into a bar The bar owner looks at a gang of punks in the back and shouts "YOU! GET OUT!" The Jew leaves the bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A man walks into a bar. While he sits on a barstool, a man greets him politely, and they proceed with light conversation.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

why are you people on anti-joke? BECAUSE you have NO LIFE !

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why do birds fly south in winter? Because its too far to go walking.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Q: how many oxen does it take to row up the empire state building in half of a green canoe under the purple sun while eating a dead moose with no arms? A: Purple, because snakes have no elbows.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A man walks into a doctors office. The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?" The man responds "I'd like to hear the good news." The doctor says "I ran a series of tests and found you have leukemia, but your insurance covered everything." The man hangs his head and tears up as he asks "What's the bad news?" The doctor heads for the door as he answers "Your company is switching to a private insurer and because of your pre-existing condition you're being denied coverage. None of your future treatments or appointments will be paid for." The man snaps his fingers and says "I should've voted Democrat!"

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A little boy started choking on a condom. His father came and was in a great panic. "Please don't leave me. I don't want to lose you!" he cried over and over again. Then his wife came in and said "it's alright darling, there's plenty more in the drawer". "Oh, thank God for that, I thought I lost it there!" dad replied.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why was the man afraid of the pack of wolves? The man was blind and heard his stomach growling even though he had just eaten two buckets of KFC.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

there's 4 men, a rabbi, a priest, a monk, and a captain. they all go on the captain's ship for a cruise with a couple hundred people. this was during the cold war, and the ship was mistaken for a war ship, and the russians missled it. the monk says: "we have to get everyone off the ship!" the rabbit say: "NO! the women and children need to get off first! And we should also hail to Satan!" the Captain says: "OMG! It's a talking Rabbit!" the priest then stops the rabbit to death!" the rabbi says: "The rabbit is right! But just the children!" The Captain says: "Screw the children! this ship is going to Hell, we have talking animals saying we should worship the devil!" the priest says: "Do you think we have time" the monk, the rabbi, and the captain stare and beat him to death.... "Well, he was already going to Hell" the Monk says. But during this entire time the ship has been sinking and another missle blows up the ship. Everyone dies, except for Sean Conery...and Chuck Norris.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Roses are red That much is true But violets are purple Not freaking blue

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What did the colonel say to the soldier before he got into the army tank? Get in.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What is large, white, and can't climb trees? A refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she has no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? NOT SALLYYYY

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Knock-knock who's there? interrupting cow interupting cow who? moo.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Q. Why did the middle-aged man need glasses? A. The man's father had poor eyesight and therefore could not see well without the help of glasses.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross country.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

whats worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies and their grieving mothers standing over them. thats what.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Dick spice

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What is a panda bear? A bear with black and white fur.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

The daring man said "here goes nothing." And nothing happened. -Tag

thumb_up thumb_down +25

how do make you a child cry? break his fingers

thumb_up thumb_down +25

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? None.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What did the goat say to the other goat? They are poorly evolved animals and incable of speaking.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops