Have you seen Stevie Wonder lately? No? Neither has he.

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What's green and has wheels? Grass, I was lying about the wheels.

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What would Billy Mays do if he were alive today? Yell.

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OMG I NEED FRESH WATER

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The original Superman: Cruelty! Do you remember the original superman color movies? Like when he just deflected lasers bombs fire and bullets, he threw busses, spun around the world, was completely immune to anything but kryptonite and then... (pls dont hate) ...Fell of a horse and became a complete cripple?

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Whats better than finding a hot girl in your room? nothing

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A man calls customer service. A man in India helps him with his problem.

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An owl and a squirrel were sitting in a tree, watching a farmer. The squirrel turns to the bird and says nothing because squirrels can't talk, and the owl eats the squirrel because it is a bird of prey.

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How do you make lady gaga angry? punch her in the face and throw her off a cliff

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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How many people does it take to eat an apple ? One, unless it is divided into pieces for everyone to enjoy.

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123

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German sausage is the wurst

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'Knock' 'Knock' Who's there? Open the door and you will find out douche.

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What did the banana say to the peach? Dude, we can talk?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was disturbed by two black men raping a young girl with leukemia.

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Yo momma's so nice that she baked cookies for us. Please tell her I said thanks.

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What's the difference between a carrot and an elephant? The carrot is orange.

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Why did the rabbit cross the road? ..It was stapled to the chicken.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stuck on a deserted island when a genie appears and offers each of them one wish. Before making any decisions on what to wish for, the discuss what the smartest choice is. They return to the genie. The brunette wishes to return home, as does the blonde. The redhead wishes to be able to walk again. The genie denies the wish because to walk again she would have to wish for two legs. The genie leaves and the redhead eventually dies of dehydration as she cannot move and the water that she reaches from the ocean contains salt which dehydrates her faster than the water hydrates her.

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Mel Gibson is awoken by the ringing of his telephone he proceeds to have a nice conversation with his wife.

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? Lick his dog's penis.

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What Do You Call A Man On Land With No Arms And Legs? Useless

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Who're you gonna' call when you're apartments being ravaged by ghosts? Your doctor, for you might have schizophrenia.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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