One day, Jimmy didn't wake up.

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What did the carrot say when he was Chopped. Auch.

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b

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What do you call a black man driving a car? A driver.

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What's black and full of coke? a bottle of coca-cola

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We're out of mustard, so in your sandwich I used some yellow liquid dripping from a dying rhinoceros.

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What's worse than being swallowed by a blue whale? Being swallowed by a bule whale with herpes.

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I just made up a joke! How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? Seven. The ending needs some work...

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why did the baby cross the road...? cause he was chained to my bumper

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a duck walked into the 7-11, grabbed a slurpee and told the man at the register, "put it on my bill". But the man behind the counter was Indian, and could not understand what the duck was saying. The duck then walked out confused, wondering why he was buying a slurpee in the first place

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A depressed gay teenager goes to his boyfriend’s house. Why and what happens? Shaun was often discriminated against for being homosexual. He always tried to be positive and a good person, but when his parents disowned him, Shaun couldn’t help but feel alone and unloved. Upset, Shaun went to his boyfriend’s house to seek comfort from his lover. Sunny, his boyfriend, immediately told Shaun that he loved him and things will get better for both of them. A year later, Shaun rebuilds his relationship with his old family and they apologize for their lack of understanding. Sunny and Shaun are very close emotionally, and wish to get married. However, they live in Texas, where marriage is outlawed. Shaun’s family agrees to help aid the couple financially in their marriage. They help Sunny and Shaun move to New York City where they had a successful gay marriage and pursued their dreams of becoming a video-game character designer/artist and a professional hop-hop dancer, respectively. They adopt their first child two months later and raise their child positively, and adopt her younger sister five months after that. The two daughters love their two dads and grow up to be a successful NASA scientist and a talented singer, respectively. Sunny and Shaun live a long, happy life together filled with love, happy, and joy. They die peacefully in their nineties.

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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How do you kill a blonde? lightsabre to the throat should do it

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Vagina-Boob

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Whats why was the 18 year old boy scared of his dad? Cause his dad butt raped him when he was 7.

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Why Was a guy wearing Pink pants? Because He Was Gay.

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Why does this dog have herpes? Global Warming.

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Whats funnier than killing a black guy. Nothing, it's not funny.

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Why can't Tommy the T-Rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 Million years.

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why did the little old lady die? she was mugged then shot in the head 5 times.

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What is worse than 10 dead babies in a trash can? 1 dead baby in 10 trash cans

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Q: Why is winter the best season? A: It eliminates the homeless.

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Hitler was Jewish.

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How do you make a napkin dance? You can't. Stop having such unrealistic aspirations.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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