'THIS IS NOT A JOKE, YOU ARE THE 1000000TH VIEWER'...

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What do you call "Bob the Builder" when he retires Bob

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Roses are red Violets are blue If I see another Joke like this (besides mine) I'll kill you

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Friends are like trees, they fall down when hit multiple times with an axe.

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Lol you are really adorable, is more like maybe we will ask you some time, but hey, if you are asking, I mean you are beautiful, insecure, easy to break... I am totally joking by the way, you are completely down to earth, you are sweet, you know what you want, etc etc, hey, and to know what you want in life you got to be confident. Wait a second... I "act" like a savage? Lawl, "streams of OceANUS catchphrase"

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What do you call it when Justin Bieber has sex with a woman? Statutory Rape.

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The WNBA

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A man attempts to sign in to PlayStation Network... And succeeds, proceeding to enjoy the console's numerous award winning exclusive titles such as LittleBigPlanet and Uncharted 2, along with utilizing the system's Blu Ray capabilities and playing with his friends online in an absolutely free network, on what many consider to be the superior console to the Xbox 360.

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james schmitt whats your last name

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What did the fat man buy at Mcdonalds? A salad, hes on a diet

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What do Jews, Jehovah's Witnesses, Slavs, Gays, and Retards have in common? The Holocaust.

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman all walked into a bar. But, the bartender was not happy, as he had noticed that each of them were wearing tops with rude slogans on them. The Bartender said to the Englishman, "you do know that your t-shirt isn't suitable for the children in here, don't you?" "Oh," said the Englishman, "I'm sorry, I'll go home to change it at once." Next, came the Irishman, who's top was slightly worse than the Englishman's. The bartender said to the Irishman, "you do know that the joke on your jumper is sexist, don't you?" "Oh," said the Irishman, "I'm sorry, I'll go home and change it at once." Last, was the Scotsman. The Scotsman's top was particularly bad, and the bartender especially did not want this top to be seen in his bar. So, the bartender said to the Scotsman, "you do know that the slogan on your cardigan is racist, don't you?" "Oh," said the scotsman, "I'll go home and change it at once."

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Why is the child screaming? Because he just woke up from a bad dream.

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Did you hear about that one time (@ band camp lol) where there was a little boy and he wanted to go swimming sooooo abd and then ooo look squirrel

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What did one muffin say to the other? I don't know, but you need a psychiatrist.

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Your momma's of a reasonable figure and weight.

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What do you call a pickle with a cape? A pickle with a cape

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What's the difference between a blonde and a brunette? The pigmentation of their hair follicles.

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My dog has no nose, so how does it smell? It can't, I just told you it has no nose.

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Which one is hardest?

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What do you call a black Arnold Schwarzenegger? Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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Life is like a box of chocolates. You eat them. get fat. Die.

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Why didn't the man show up for work on Monday? He gets Mondays off.

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What's your name? You tell me.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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