Wilson: would you buy lottery when you grow up Mattuew: no theres no point Wilson: ask Xiangxi right next to you Mattuew: xiangxi, would you buy lottery if you grow up? Xiangxi: Prabably not, because the chance of winning a lottery is lower than becoming an astronaut Mattuew: the probability of you winning the lottery is higher than you finding a girlfriend

An Irishman and his sheep are locked in a barn together for 3 days. On the 3rd day his wife finally notices that he is gone, and comes looking in the barn for her husband. She liberates him, cooks him dinner, and they both laugh at the bestiality that occurred in the barn. 3 days is indeed a long time for anyone to endure.

Why did the airplane crash? The pilot had a stroke.

What does and elephant and me have in common. Everything, I am an elephant.

What's the difference between a duck and a popsicle? I don't shit on hamsters.

What's a black man that drives a bus? A bus-driver

Relax, close down the place, he wont get very far. The rest of you better stay inside, and I promise you will all remain safe and secure.

What did Ghandi tell St Peter as he passed through the Gates of Heaven? He didn't. There is no afterlife.

Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the van

Why did the little girl run to her mother? Because she saw a police inspector, who had already tried to kill her several times that week, aiming a poison dart at her forehead.

What's small, furry and looks like a mouse? Most probably a mouse but given the large number of mammals with similar appearances to a mouse it could easily be a shrew, vole or even a rat if you don't know your rodents very well.

Dad, why do people say mom is a nympho? No idea son, try asking one of your other dads.

How did Jimmy lose seven pounds? I killed him.

your mom is so ugly that she is still a virgin, you don't exist you are just a figment of my imagination.

Why did'nt the puppy eat it's food? Because it was made up of little bits and peices of it's family.

children are much like potatoes. when you eat them, they die.

What do you call a black man in green shoes and a yellow hat ? Nothing,thats just him pursuing in his own regular casual outfit there for you would just notice him as a normal man walking around with shoes and a hat on so there is nothing to call him

Why did the Jew cross the road? Cause the Nazi told him to

if a tree falls in A Forest, would Robert Smith hear?

y do black people always have nightmares because we killed the one who had a dream

Q: what happens when Justin Bieber walks into bar? A: three things, blood on the bar floor, another vister at the celebrity hospital, and Justin Bieber with knifes and darts stuck in his chest!

Why did Jimmy's grandma never come home ? Her liver failed .

How do you make a snake blink? You can't

How do u kill a black man You don't or else u will get intouble for murder but u can if u want there r many ways

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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