What part of a vegetable are you not supposed to eat? His wheelchair.

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What happened to the man who grew into the couch? He was surgically removed and forced to exercise daily. He is feeling much better now.

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What do you call a person who drinks beer a lot? Alcohol abuser.

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Roses are are red Violets are blue I just ate a crockpot!

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What is your favorite color???? My mom I got u s o godd.

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star wars kid

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What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Neil Armstrong was the first man to WALK on the MOON. And Michael Jackson was a child molester.

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Wanna hear a dirty joke? A guy in mud.

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Why wouldn't joey pay attention in class? Because he was being raped by a grizzly bear.

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Q: What is green, jumps and says i'm a frog? A: A frog that talks

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What the difference between a car and a dead child I dont have a car in the basement

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Your mom is so fat that she saw a school bus full of white children and , thought "I can hardly even remember a time when my body used to be slim." She now keeps track of her diet and exercises regularly,the result of this has been a weight loss of over 95 pounds.

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Q: How fast does an F-16 fly? A: Pretty Fast

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Q: what did the grandmother give to her grandson. A: a lightbulb

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Do you know what my Granddad said to me before he kicked the bucket? He said; how far do you think I could kick this bucket? Then he died.

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What did the Taliban teenager strap on his chest before getting on the bus? A blue rubber dildo.

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So I was walking down the road today

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he died. Why did the elephant fall out of the tree? Because he was to fat. Why did the snake fall out of the tree? I don't know everything, Bitch!

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How many pollacks does it take to screw in a lightbuld? Likely the same number as is required when people of non-polish descent screw in lightbulds. Overall however it is variable based on the number or bulbs, position of bulbs in relation to ceiling, potential shakiness of required ladder, and desired efficiency. Please reference GE's lightbuld home instillation handbook for further information or alternately contact your local electrician or handy neighbor.

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John walked up to his dad one morning and shouted, "Dad, it's my birthday!" Dad said, "Cool, how old are you?" John says, "I'm seven!" Dad tells him to go downstairs and tell his grandpa. John runs down and says, "Grandpa, it's my birthday, guess how old I am!" Grandpa sticks his hand in John's pants and sticks his thumb into his anus. As he pulls his hand out, he pinches his penis. Grandpa says, "You're seven." John says, "How did you know?" Grandpa says, "I heard you tell your dad upstairs."

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A black guy and a white guy both get pulled over by a cop for speeding. The white guy is promptly released with a stern warning, whle the black guy is thouroughly questioned and has his car searched for drugs, with the probable cause being that the black guy has bloodshot eyes, reeks of weed and has a bong in his frontseat.

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What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? I actually take my shoes off when I jump on the trampoline.

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Why did the little girl fall off of the swing set? Because she didn't have any arms.

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Did you know Helen Keller had a playground in her backyard? Neither did she

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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