A handless Asian boy was riding his bike through the park with some friends. One of his friends puts his arms in the air and yells "Look! No hands!" The handless boy rides his bike home, crying and thinking about how one day he would like to say, "Look! No hands!" without people getting nauseous.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Im sitting in class trying to write a joke. I should be writing my speech But i'm better off trying to think of the funniest joke that could get on the front page with over 9000 likes :( Lol nah thats never going to happen :'(

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Knock, knock! Who's there? Mary Mary who? Mary Smith.

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Knock knock! Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave Smith. Oh, hey Dave. Come in.

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"This is defamation!" proclaimed the Fox, as he sat in the panels of the courtroom. "I attest, with full honesty, Your Honor, that never have I said any of the allegations the two defendants have quoted upon me." He looked with contempt at the Ylvis brothers, who sat at the other end of the room. "I say, Your Honor," he continued, "that I never, ever in my entire life, said 'Gering-ding-ding-dingerdingerding', to which I am willing to testify."

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What do you get when you cross a pumpkin with a kangaroo? An irrelevant punchline.

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What do you call nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts. What do you call nuts on your chin My dick in your mouth.

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A circus clown riding the cutest miniture Shetland pony both fall over a cliff and die.

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Yesterday I saw a blind man walking down the street, I asked if he needed help and he said "I'm fine thanks." Later on I saw a deaf man walking down the street and asked if he needed help. He didn't hear me, he then fell off the curb and was hit by a car.

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What did the army guy say when he lost his gun. Wheres my gun.

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A man with a badly injured arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "Yes, with proper medical attention and rest, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I was hurt, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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Question: how many times a power rangers episode show a power rangets face ANSWER: dont ask me im not that big of a power rangers!

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How do you drown a blond? You hold her underwater.

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A man walks into a bar. Sup.

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What did the black kid get for christmas? Nothing, he doesn't celebrate christmas

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Why did the blonde walk into the men's restroom? Because the blonde was a man who needed to expel his feculent waste.

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im jackson, i have a small willy, and like to finger my dog

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What did the teenage girl get for just sweet 16? An abortion

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When does a cat not land on its feet? When it lands on its back.

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WOKE UP THIS MORNING AND SAW PROSTITUTE OUT THE WINDOW AND SAID GRANDMA GRANDMA CAN I GO PLAY WITH THAT PROSTITUTE SHE SAID NO YOU CAN PLAY WITH ME BECAUSE I'M A PROSTITUTE TOO

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Bigfoot, Santa, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde all jump off of a cliff. They all reach terminal velocity and at impact at the same time. However, no one really cares.

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why did the man throw his clock out of he window? he was mentally insane.

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How do you get a one-armed Polish man out of a tree? With a ladder.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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