- Anti Joke

Whats wrong Nero? What happened? Please pick up the phone, I am trying to call you, but it just goes from dialing to changing tunes, please do not be upset with me, what did I do wrong? I thought we had an understanding, please just pick up the phone, if you already have my number and all you got nothing to lose...

A man walks into a bar the bartender looks at the man and says "Hey son you wanna make one hundred bucks?" the man looks at the bartender and says "Im not your son."

Why did the Mexicans climb the fence? When they were tossing frisbee and accidentally tossed it into their neighbors yard and they had to go get it.

How do you get a black guy out of a tree? Kindly ask him to come down.

Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar. Homo-sexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual panda just have piece?

You always hear of the 9/11 stories where people who work in the World Trade Centers were late that day or home sick or whatever. My mom also worked there. It was a normal morning, got up to make us breakfast, got us to school on time, the whole bit. After having to do all that stuff, she actually got to work on time, and she died in the attack.

What did Helen Keller say to the priest? Nothing, she didn't know he was there.

bologna

A Quadriplegic walks into a bar.

Q) What did the Irishman get for his birthday? A) Drunk

What did the blonde call her pet zebra? Isaac

"Knock knock" "The doors open" "Oh, okay"

Why aren't anti jokes funny? Idk. Watermelon in your pants, you're adopted.

How do you get a bird off the roof you throw an ax at it

what do you call a dog with no legs? whatever his owner named him it is a shame he can`t run and play with other dogs.

What do you call 4 black men in a BMW? Successful Businessmen.

what is the difference between batman and a black guy. bat man is white

What do you call a black person who can't see? Blind

Why did the chicken cross the road? It felt like it, no particular reason. Why did the hippo cross the road? Same reason as the chicken. Why did the Fred cross the road? He was with animal control, and a chicken and hippo had just been reported to cross this dangerous stretch of highway.

Why couldn't the man open his car door for the women? He drove a jeep with removable doors

If Jonny has 300 pies and eats 299 pies what is left for Jonny? DIABETES

What do you think when you see an asian woman behind the wheel of a car? She's very attractive.

Okay "Mr. Your instructor" "Mr.Fucking hypocrite" You dirty asshole! First I will give you some Intel about what I know about you! Then I will tell you what to do! Do you remember when you plowed trough a woman and stole her car in order to sell it? Remember when you returned to her, discovered you had had left her pregnant and as such you had a fifteenth year old daughter now? Then how you began drugging your own daughter so she would turn parlor tricks or she would not get her drugs? But you had to try sell her to three guys for some hours to pay your cocaine abuse too! But that day a certain young man with a metal hand that cracked the wall with your skull and told your daughter he would take care of her until "you got better? " Yeah, that same guy you kept calling for "little crippled sunnuvabicht that keeps sounding like a fucking fortune cookie that is trying to be a messiah" Remember? Or have you already forgotten the man you work for today? Even then you called him a psychopath, a lunatic, a demented fool on a daily basis! I know, because I was a member too back then, but I quit not because I stopped trusting the man you serve and trashtalk, but because I could not stand people like you talking shit about him all day! Because I could not stand that the "fortune cookie sounding/paranoid" "cripple" knew that you treated him like shit behind his back, but believed you where still intelligent and an asset in order to help those in need! So I quit! Oh, but you did so well after he took your daughter away right? Yeah because your daughter begged "the cripple" that he help her daddy out! Yeah, "that fortune cookie talking guy" gave you half his uncle`s inheritance... Where did you think the money which suddenly appeared in your mailbox came from? Do you think it was out of malice that the same "cripple" came around a month later again bashed your skull and told you it was time to end your coke habit and take care of your family or he would break your spine? You sure went back to the women whose car you stole from, but your daughter was petrified of you! Oh, now, now "you where my instructor" a fucking billionaire with your own mansion and sailing boat! But did you recognize her? NO IT IS FAR HARDER TO RECOGNIZE YOUR OWN DAUGHTER WHEN SHE WAS NO LONGER THE TEEN YOU DRUGGED INTO BECOMING A STRIPPER AND THEN TRIED TO SELL, NOW THAT SHE HAS BECOME A UNIVERSITY BIOLOGY TEACHER WITH A MASTERS DEGREE RIGHT? Do you believe that a man whose only name we all know by is Nero is trying to become a fucking messiah? Does it seem like he cares if you idiots treat him like shit? You do know what Angelo Nero is right? Italian for Black Angel, you do know why he forbids people practicing religion in your goddamned little order right? Messiah wannabe? My ass! It is as he told me pigface, he does not want people to follow Gods or him, he wants people to think for themselves and succeed. Ill tell you what to do, first, you do not plan shit, because as soon as you act, if those terrorist will track you back, and kill you all SO YOU WAIT! Your "Oh so shameful I earn 98 percent more than my leader" You do not see to have had problems having your own fucking collection of Ferrari`s do you? Now you make sure Nero7 survives If he says aliens will come kill us all, he is right, if he says that the doctors treating him are spies trying to kill him, you better kill them, and if he tells you to that your daughter would be a much happier person if you took your life, he is right father. He gave me the "Alias" "Eliza" hoping you would recognize your daughters real name ELIZA you piece of shit! You apparently had no trouble remembering that name when you where moments away from selling me that fifteen year old girl to three pigs! If he dies, you wont need fear no terrorists "pimp daddy", because then I will kill you myself! I know where you are hiding, its cold there and I got even the coordinates, so if your last hope out there dies, I will sell those coordinates to them, the price? They all gangrape your ass! And kill you! And then you will regret everything! Screwing over your daughter, and letting the man that saved you and me die! Unless the next reply comes from a fully recovered Nero7 I will call you on my traceable phone, and tell them "Oh daddy lets share information about the orders last hiding place on horsehead network like we do" And if they are willing to take a peek, you better find something else to do, you wont, but I know of someone who can. So now you wait until the only man that has ever known what to do has recovered, AND DO WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE TO STOP THIS ALTOGETHER! YOU DO WHAT YOU ALL SHOULD HAVE DONE ALL ALONG! YOU LISTEN TO WHAT HE HAS TO SAY, AND YOU BETTER FUCKING DO EVERYTHING HE TELLS YOU ALL IF YOU WANT TO SURVIVE! Now that you know who I am, I hope in my heart that you have become a better man, and stop asking me shit, because if they can trace my reply, Nero7 would at least have succeeded to save your daughter and made sure she got educated well, but if I reply, and those terrorists find out, you will be the one that screwed over everything he did for me, for us, and get me killed. Make sure the only person I care about there survives daddy, and THE HELL IF I MEAN YOU!

Whats invisable and smells like a apple? An invisable apple

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops