Why didn't the man fall off his bicycle? Because He wasn't riding a bicycle!

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Waiter, there is a hydrogen conducting carbon nanotube in my soup. That is part of the special, sir.

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What's a fun place to visit on the weekend? Uranus.

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What's the difference between a black male and a white female? There are many differences but all of which are wrong to make a joke about.

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Why did the woman cross the road? To welcome the new neighbors.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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jimmy walked into a bar, then walked out crying and all desperate seeing his wife cheating on him with another guy sitting in the bar. he jumped in front of a bus and was taken to the hospital. He died due serious injuries. Turns out that it wasn't his wife but her twin sister that neither jimmy nor his wife was aware of her existence.

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I really want to know something would all of you like to go on Suspension for 3 weeks? Mr Goodwin

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Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees an officer standing on a street corner and a pile of burning rubble behind him. He asks the officer what happened and he replies "A bomb fell from the sky and annihilated the city orphanage. 214 children were killed and two nearby families of 3 and 6 were severely injured and are now in the hospital with no hope of survival." The man was found dead later that week with a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

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Its a long story, I got two balance nerves, I technically got four ear drums (relax you cant see it nor anything,neither can doctors without weird unpleasant stuff), I got about twice the number of synapses as regular people, and well, that makes me pretty damn good at some things, and a total retard at others.

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Why did the little boy fall asleep? His parent pulled the plug.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? An astronaut. He's all alone in the vacuum of space. No one hears him knocking.

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Q: How do Hellen Keller's parents punish her? A: They give her a timeout

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How many blind men does it take to change a light bulb? None. They are blind and do not care if it is light or dark in their surroundings.

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So Nero, what the fuck are you doing? XD

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A jew goes into a church. Yolo.

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y was man afaid of fire?, cuz its hot

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What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Whatever you like, it can't hear you.

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Why didn't my marriage work out? Because I married a tangerine.

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Neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. It never receives it because it can't talk and is far too small to see.

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What noise annoys a noisy oyster? Hispanics with their loud car stereos.

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Once there was Girl whose Teeth were Crooked. She got Braces.

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Why was the boy considered a bitch? His name was Jason Jubin

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why did the boy die he had a raging case of cardiovascular disease

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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