How do you make time fly? You can't, time is the duration of events and therefore cannot "fly".

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so a jew walks into a bar and leaves at 9:00 becuase he has work in the morning.

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Q: What's the capital of Ohio A: O

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What did the old lady call the black pilot who's name was Marcus? Marcus

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how do you confuse a blonde? shes already confused Leave.Her.Alone.

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Leo! Leo get over here before i abuse you. Okay, im going to my whip.

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Guess what? Bananas

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How did the girl get her Mardi Gras beads? She purchased them at a reasonable price from a party store.

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Whats the best thing about chuck norris? he's chuck norris.

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look under under where under under where. under the couch

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Actually it was me Josh brown

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a duck, a mexican, a camel, a jew, a duck, a moose, an asian, an ostrich, a turtle, an elephant, a scorpion, two vampires, a pokemon, your mom, Stephen Hawkings, a bird, a plane, mario, your family, and a plumber walk into a bar. They have cancer, AIDS, disabilties, diabetes, herpes, siezures, retardation, death in their families, drug addiction, no arms or legs, no home, no money, racial segregation, and have been raped. A combination of which is worse than the holocaust and three bee stings and a rope that fails.

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6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9

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What's worse than a pile of dead babies? A live one underneath it. What's worse than that? It has to eat its way out. What's worse than that? It goes back for seconds.

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Whats the hardest thing to have sex with? a goldfish.

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Knock Knock. Who's There? The Landlord. Your rent's late.

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What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich? A sandwich doesn't scream when I put my salami in it.

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knock knock whose there banana banana who well, since a banana is a fruit and not human, it does not have parents and thus no last name was given to it.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I will ask you one question, and that will determine whether you can enter Heaven. Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" "No," the man replies, "I always made sure to apologize." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Why was the woman worried? She was coughing up blood

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Bum: Excuse me, can you spare some change? Rich man: No

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Q: What did the man say when he tried to commit suicide by jumping off a 20 storie building? A: Ow!

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A- knock knock B- whose there? A- Chuck Norris B- chuck norris who? A- are you retarded?

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How did Moses make his tea? He steeped the tea lives for around 5 minutes in hot water.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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