What do a plum and a rabbit have in common? They are both purple except for the rabbit.

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What's brown and sticky? A Stick

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A man walks into his local store, he gets a basket and get a tin of beans, an apple, some kitchen rolls a bag of potatoes and an 8 pack of sausages. He walks to the checkout and the lady working asks him ''Are you single?'' He replies ''Yes, i am actually, how did you know?'' The lady then says ''Because your Ugly as Sin''

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Are you trolling with me? I mean how can you know where I live if you have not even picked up the phone yet? Listen, if you wanted to make me upset, you did it okay? You won, I like you a lot and I would never do such a thing. I understand you being upset Nero, I am so sorry, I never meant nor wanted for this to happen, I hope you can forgive me someday.

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your mother is so fat that her doctor advised her to stick to a strict diet and exercise routine to help her lose weight

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What's the difference between 31 dead hookers and a Lamborghini? One is a traumatizing tragedy that left at least 31 poor families mourning for their loved ones, whom were only trying to make a living in what is a terrible economy and were unable find a better job, and the other is an overpriced sports car.

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A patient goes to the doctor. The doctor says I have bad news and even worse news. The patient says "What's the bad news?" The doctor says "You only have 24 hours to live." The patient says "Oh my gosh what could possibly be worse than that?!" The doctor says "Well...we've been trying to contact you since yesterday..."

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Q. Why is Italy shaped like a boot? A. Do you think they could fit all that shit in a tennis shoe?

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How do you tell if a kitten is alive? Throw it at the wall.

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I <3 Hitler

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why was little jonny not playing in the baseball game? his legs were shattered in a terrible lawn mowing accident.

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How do you get Helen Keller to keep a secret? You politely ask her not to tell anyone.

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Why did the little boy stick a fork in the electrical socket? Because he wanted to escape his abusive stepfather

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roses are red violets are blue some poems rhyme others don't.

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You are pretty bad emulations, first of all you should all swear and cuss a lot, that way you never get green thumbs and you all get minimal attention (negative attention) from people whose messages do not concern. I mean come on, if you are all different, you gotta admit that you are all good at typing like the very same person, its just that, none of them are good at sounding as the guy they are trying to emulate.

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yo momma is so stupid, she probably in in the bottom 1% of her age group

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It was Valentines Day today, I thought I should get her something... I brought flowers to her grave.

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Whats green, and says i'm a frog? A talking frog.

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My momma's so ugly she had to get plastic surgery. Now I need it.

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Q: Why did the little girl fall off the swing? A: She didn't have any arms.

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What do you call a Mexican in a kitchen? A chef.

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Justin Beiber

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Yo mama is so fat that her belly button reaches the door 15 minutes before she does- by Adam Chebali

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Why did the baby cry? Because he fell off a refrigerator.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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