Why did the cook put rubber bands in the spaghetti Because he was an asshole

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why was the little boy crying He had a frog stapled to his head

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are trapped on a deserted island when they come across a magic lamp. The brunette rubs the lamp and a genie appears! The genie offers them each a wish. They all make their wishes, but none of them come true as the genie was simply a hallucination brought on by severe trauma and dehydration.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man walked into a bar. He got a head trauma and committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "why the long face?" The horse replies, "I am Sarah Jessica Parker."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the chicken cross the road? Oh yeah... You're mute.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the fat guy say after his weight-reduction surgery? I'm gonna sue the clown pants out of McDonalds

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a Chinese person with a computer for a head? Dead because it is impossible for your heart to function with out a brain

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Milkman. Milkman who? I've been coming here for 14 years and you don't even know my name? I helped take your mother to the hospital for crying out loud! I held you in my arms as a baby! And you don't even have the decency to remember MY NAME?! I'm sorry I don't live in a house that allows milk and other groceries to be delivered, I'm sorry that I wasn't born into a nice family with a nice home! I'm sorry that I have had to come here EVERY WEEK FOR FOURTEEN YEARS and you can't even remember my NAME! My name! I left my family for christmas one year to go pick up that elmo doll for you when you were a kid! I saved you from that burning treehouse! I helped you with you're 3rd grade science fair project and you won! YOU WON! We took a picture together that i have kept in my wallet. And i proudly say here's me and timmy. ME AND TIMMY! TIMMY! But no...you don't need to know my name. Well good day sir. You shan't see me again.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's woman spelled backwards? Sandwich-maker.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats worse than being a 40 year old virgin? Being a 12 year old girl in Africa who gets raped everyday to feed her family.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Juan got hit by a truck Knock Knock Who's there? Juan's brother coming to stab you in the abdomen.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's white and gluey Glue

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q: why did the train not make it to the station? A: it crashed and killed everybody on board.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

a boy with asperges asked me a question today he asked me again and again because he has asperges

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do a snake and a bird have in common... They both fly, except the snake

thumb_up thumb_down +7

angelosnyder is not gay

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How do you stop a clown from smiling? Hit it with an axe!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Hi my name is Lisa Hi Lisa my name is Karen. Nice to meet Karen Likewise...

thumb_up thumb_down +5

roses are red viloits are blue Bernard is hot but then i led to you

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What is bloody and has two legs? Half of a cat.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Whats worse than not having cellphone service? Having sex unwillingly with a stranger then getting pregnant at the age of 13.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops