these are shit

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Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period. Damnit, ignore that.

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Why did the airplane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Neither has he.

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an indian woman works at seven eleven. this is because her son has one leg and she needs to pay pay for all the medical needs.

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Why did the car catch fire? It was parked in Ferguson, MO

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Roses are black, Violets are too. I'm colourblind. Stop laughing.

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Why did the baby cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken

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When you hit an animal Realize your out of your mind Then realize the animals mind is over there in the ditch.

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What's black and white and has difficulty turning corners? A nun with a javelin stuck through the neck.

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Knock knock! Who's there? The doorbell wasn't working.

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What do you call a black man with pearl white teeth ? A man with good dental hygiene.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 2,091,029,203,284,485,389,684,564,345,089,859,849,485,374,094,394,584,584.00002394832323945834958349234854343432323343534342323243543534234358394564023285409564053942304923049234 x 10 to the 1234543565342312323560845834034th power divided by 0.

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A man and Sasquatch are walking down the shoreline on the eastern coast, the man looks back at the foot prints in the sand, he notices that during the hardest parts of his life, there were only one pair of footprints, while in his easiest moments, he sees two pairs of footprints; the man is disturbed about this and he asks Sasquatch this. "Sasquatch, Although you have always promised to be with me in my life, I see that when I needed you most, you were never there. Why is this Sasquatch?" Sasquatch replies, "HREAAHAHG?!"

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Q: How do you get a giraffe into a refrigerator? A: You open the door put the giraffe in and the close the door. Q: How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator? A: You open the door to the refrigerator take the giraffe out then put the elephant in and close the door. Q: The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend but one, which one is it? A: The elephant it's in the fridge Q: You have to cross a river that is inhabited by crocodiles how do you cross it? A: You swim across, the crocodiles are at the animal conference.

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Who would win in a chess duel between Ender Wiggin and Artemis Fowl? Artemis Fowl will calculate the optimal path to move his pieces. Ender Wiggin will calculate the optimal path to kill the queen, so all the other pieces just sort of fall down.

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A man walks into a bar and sees a large jar filled to the brim with $20 bills. He asks the bartender why there is so much money in the jar, and the bartender tells him that he has a horse in the back of the building, and he has a bet that if someone puts $20 in the jar and can make the horse laugh, then they will win all the money. The man, feeling confident, puts his money into the jar and tries to make the horse laugh. It is a horse, so of course he cannot make it laugh. He leaves, dejectedly, having just wasted 20 of his hard earned dollers.

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bacon

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was being chased by Osama.

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Why did the fortune cookie taste bad? I forgot to take the wrapper off.

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What's yellow and can't swim? A bulldozer

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What do you call a gathering of Asians? A chinkfest

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What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Nothing, fish can't talk and it died on impact.

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How do you make a puppy stop barking? Throw a brick at it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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