Old guitars sound like cat's guts

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It was a dark and stormy night. The whole family waiting for the phone to ring as they await for a criminal to give instructions. Then the phone rings... RING RING Jeffery: "Hello? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. No sir please don't! No, have mercy! Yes sir. No sir, no. Yes sir. Bye." Donald: "What did the man say?" Jeffery: "Wrong number..."

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So an irishmen, jewish, and asain walk into the bar...and the bartender said get out..

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Why can't dinosaurs talk? Because they are all dead.

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Why is the fat man fat? Because he has an extremly bad metabolism which makes him gain two pounds from eating one cheeseburger

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Generator? One powers your house...and then there's the generator.

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Why does an actor enjoy his work so much? Because it’s all play.

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Why did the boy get hit by the bus? He didn't check both sides before crossing

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A Russian gentleman walks into a bar and requests a vodka which the bartender promptly supplies. Shortly thereafter a Turkish gentleman enters escorting a Llama on a leash and requests a vodka to which the bartender responds: "Your animal is not allowed on the premise, I am going to have to ask you to leave." The Turkish gentleman apologizes for his ignorance of the local customs and excuses himself, and shortly thereafter the Russian finishes his Vodka, pays, and leaves as well.

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Think of a number between 2 and 10? 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286 208998628034825342117067982148086513282306647093844609550582231725359408128481 11745028410270193852110555964462294895493038

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So, a bulldozer rolls into a bar, there is no bar now.

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Why did the old man fall off his bicycle? Because somebody threw a fridge at him.

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What did Santa Clause say to Rudolf? Nothing. Santa's not real.

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what do Jewish people and pizzas have in common? they enjoy parties

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Your momma's so fat: She feels excluded by mainstream clothing outlets.

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Why does mexico not have an Olympic team? They do

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Stephen Hawking wheels into the Center for Theoretical Cosmology.

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A priest and rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender was incredibly biased towards religion and had the rabbi removed.

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Get off my porch.

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What's beauitful and disgusting at the same time? Menstration. Jk it's just disgusting.

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Is your refrigerator running? No. That is highly improbable because a refrigerator has no arms or legs, also a refrigerator is not a human being, or alive in any manor and therefor cannot be moved with out an external force acted upon it.

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What do you call a black guy who kills people? A murderer.

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a horse nibbled a baby

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How many pollacks does it take to screw in a lightbuld? Likely the same number as is required when people of non-polish descent screw in lightbulds. Overall however it is variable based on the number or bulbs, position of bulbs in relation to ceiling, potential shakiness of required ladder, and desired efficiency. Please reference GE's lightbuld home instillation handbook for further information or alternately contact your local electrician or handy neighbor.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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