knock knock? who's there the stubt double vampire that's going to kill you;0

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What's the opposite of stupid? diputs

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Did you hear about the kid-napping in Minnesota? He woke up

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How many immature people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 69

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a white man, a black man, a chinese man and a mexican man stand at the edge of a roof. the chinese man stands at the edge and says "this is for ma people" and jumps off. then the mexican stands at the edge of the roof and says "this is for my people" and jumps off. finally, the black man stands at the edge of the roof and shouts "this is for my people!" and throws the white man off. The End XD

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Q: Why is the Universe so big? A: Because it is the same size as my penis.

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How many women does it take to replace a light bulb? Please advise. Thanks, Holly

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How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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What do you call a guy who has no experience flying a plane? Suicidal

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Roses are red. I have OCD. That rose IS red right.. Let me check again.

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What's yellow and can't swim? A bulldozer

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I had an Anti-joke but i forgot it.

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what do you call a bear with socks on A bear with socks on

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So a man walks into a bar, He says, "Hey bartender! Can I have some beer?" The bartender says, "Sure!" and hands the man a Bud Light. The man drinks the Bud Light and leaves afterward.

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why did the man fall off his bike? He got shot by the navy seals, He was a highly decorated terrorist.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Neither has he.

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How to you confuse an Alzheimer's patient? Present her with a complicated nuclear physics problem.

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Why is this room orange? Because I painted it orange. You didn't paint it; my mom painted it.

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Who is the funniest guy on this planet? Mike the Situation.

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Ronan Parke, making Justin Bieber look straight since 2009

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Whats worse than cold feet? getting your feet chopped off.

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Why is Michael J. Fox unable to build domino chains? He only has one domino.

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Q: What do you call a girl who wears a tuxedo to prom? A: Comfortable with the way she looks.

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Q: Have you heard from that guy who dropped a piano on his head? A: No one has, he dropped a piano on his head.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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