Why did the retirement home go out of business. There was a fire and all of the residents charred to death accept for a couple who escaped but were too traumatized to return to the old folks home.

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Why did the woman leave the kitchen? She didn't.

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What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff

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There once were 2 cowboys who were lost on a dusty trail. Later on they found their way out and are now doing very successful

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How do you make a baby fly? Hit it's mother in the stomach.

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What do you call a man in a pool with no arms and legs? Bob

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If you're reading this, you can read.

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There is a middle-eastern man in customs with a turban and a briefcase and he is profiled by his race which is a sad fact of our society.

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Curiosity killed the cat! No, the tire of a vehicle did.

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Two children decide to bury a time capsule in their backyard and open it 5 years later. They then break into tears realizing they have no backyard because they are orphans. They are now orange.

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Why did the black guy eat KFC? Cause he was hungry.

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What's the opposite of stupid? diputs

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Did you hear about the kid-napping in Minnesota? He woke up

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knock knock? who's there the stubt double vampire that's going to kill you;0

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I had an Anti-joke but i forgot it.

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Roses are red. I have OCD. That rose IS red right.. Let me check again.

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What's yellow and can't swim? A bulldozer

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what do you call a bear with socks on A bear with socks on

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How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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a white man, a black man, a chinese man and a mexican man stand at the edge of a roof. the chinese man stands at the edge and says "this is for ma people" and jumps off. then the mexican stands at the edge of the roof and says "this is for my people" and jumps off. finally, the black man stands at the edge of the roof and shouts "this is for my people!" and throws the white man off. The End XD

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What do you call a guy who has no experience flying a plane? Suicidal

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How many women does it take to replace a light bulb? Please advise. Thanks, Holly

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How many immature people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 69

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why did the man fall off his bike? He got shot by the navy seals, He was a highly decorated terrorist.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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