What does a baby sound like when put in the microwave? I don't know, I was masturbating.

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2 men walk into a bar. The first man proceeds to fall on the ground and let out a string of obscenities, obviously in excruciating pain. The second man, fearing that he may have suffered some sort of concussion, immediately goes to his doctor and gets checked out. He is still awaiting results.

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Q: How does Lady Gaga like her meat? A: Exactly what her preference is.

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What did the senile man say to the kids on his lawn? Tree dance the gator thong for my nipples.

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Whats funny about a car crash? If a bowl of soup is talking.

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Where was Sally when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.

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You might be a redneck if you spent all day in the sun without sunscreen.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "why the long face?" then one of the costumers calls the health inspector and he shuts the place down because its not sanitary to have dirty horses in bars.

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Why did the moron jump through the window?

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Doctor, people always laught at me at work! :( What do you do for a living? I am a comedian...

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ARE YOU READY FOR THE OLDEST ANTIJOKE EVER WRITTEN: HERE IT COMES....... THE MOST ANCIENT OF THEM ALL...... ARE YOU READY?????? HERE WE GO...... Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! THAT'S RIGHT. THIS IS IN FACT AN ANTI JOKE - "...ends with such an anti climax...the lack of punchline is the punchline."

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What is the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Neil Armstrong was the first one to walk on the moon... and Michael Jackson molested little children.

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What do get when you cross a truck and a cliff? Flames.

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What did the squirrel say to the dog? "I have AIDS."

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Why did Billy fall off the swings? Because he had no arms. Knock knock! Who's there? Not Billy.

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The iguana is the only mammal capable of photosynthesis.

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A black man and a Mexican fall off a cliff, who dies first? They both die from hitting sharp rocks at the bottom crushing their skulls, so it doesn't matter its just really sad.

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Why did the blonde laugh at the funeral? She suffers from autism, and doesn't understand when it isn't appropriate laugh. The mourners at the funeral, understanding this problem, ignored her and carried on with the service.

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Why was the black man eating a banana? Because bananas are an excellent source of potassium.

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When's the best time to go to the dentist? When you have an appointment.

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Don't you just hate it when sentences don't end how you think they TESTACLES

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Yo mamas so fat, that I need a new pair of sunglasses.

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What does the cup-cake say to the cake? Do you want a cup in your cake to make it cup-cake?

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roses are red violets are blue your baby has down syndrome

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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