How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Set an alarm for a reasonable hour.

How do you get a one armed Pollack out of a tree? Hold his family at gunpoint.

What do you call a hickey on your shoulder? Bad aim -Cooper Simpson

What is the best kind of necro? Dead necro.

bill is either dead or alive. bill is not dead therefore bill is alive

Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito is a common insect in the family Culicidae. A blonde on the other hand is a Homo sapien, a primate species of mammal with a highly developed brain, belonging to the family of great apes, along with chimpanzees, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans

A: We're eating you for breakfast today. B: Thank you, I'll have my arm.

Q: What's worse than 5,000,000 African Americans being killed? A: 1 White person being killed

What swims in the ocean? Fish

Why did Sara fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock.. Whose there? Not Sara

Why didn't the blind girl go to the party? She wasn't invited!

roses are red violets are blue bannas are yellow so is my wife

What's funny about using a shake weight? It resembles masturbating with a penis.

Did you hear about the guy who fell out of the stands at the ranger game? He died.

How do you make a plumber sad? Kill his family.

Why do Jewish people have such big noses? The nucleotides in their DNA are strung together in a certain sequence that makes them have large noses.

Why did the girl fall She didn't she was eaten by a bear

whats black and blue and red all over? my wife shhh!

What do you say when someone attempts to steal your cheese? Give me my cheese!!!

When Kylie and Conner have a baby he will have a centimeter Schmeter!

Q: Why did the little girl scream? A: She didn't have a rape whistle.

Once upon a time, I farted They believe this now as the "Big Bang"

Knock knock. Racism.

On Friday the 13th,I had one of those dreams of when you go to school in your underwear. I then realised it wasn't a dream.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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