Yo momma so stupid when I said drinks are on the house she went and got a ladder

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Why doesn't Michael Jackson like toast? Because he's dead.

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What is 0% sugar, 100% pure, 150% hyperbole, 90% bug-free, has 4815162342 lines of code, autonomous, is awesome, bigger than a breadbox, bread is pain, is bringin' home the bacon, classy, doesn't use the U-word, deja vu, deja vu (oh wait a moment), does barrel rolls doesn't avoid double negatives, doesn't bother with clones, Engage!, Enhanced!, Euclidean!, Excitement!, Exploding creepers, Finally complete!, finger-licking, full of stars, funky LOL, GOTY, Give Us Gordon, Indev, Ingots, and has an End? Minecraft!

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Why did the little kid fall off the rollercoaster? His dad threw him off.

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Why couldn't the black man swim. Because he had never been taught.

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what was the biggest game of hide and seek? World War II and the Jews won

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How do you you know when you haven't slept in a while? You're tired.

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What do Kim Kardashian and a broken-down horse have in common? They will both eat oats out of your hand.

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suck my balls mr.garison

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Near the tower of London, a woman says to her friend: "You know, I had a feeling my son would come out, and the other day, he did." "What was your first clue?" "We're British."

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What comes after 23? 24.

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Back when I was your age, we had to entertain ourselves with video games and TV.

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What do you call somebody from Manchester? A twat

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roses aren't red, violets aren't blue, they're all black, cause i'm colorblind. what about you?

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Two elephants walk off of cliff.... BOOM BOOM!

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Why shouldn't you play poker in the woods? Due to the stereotypical lack of human population in such an area, it would be excruciatingly difficult to find a partner with which to play competitive card games. I suggest trying solitaire instead.

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How many light bulbs does it take to screw a blonde? She said she can do 3

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Bill:What do you get when you cross a panda and an eagle? Joe:I don't know what? Bill: Is that even possible?

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Chuck Norris was once approached by a woman for whom he had to fight a man to obtain all while doing a mundane activity in an unorthodox manner. He promptly declined for he is married and told the man he only fights for self-defense. He proceeded to put his pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.

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What does a pelican and a taxman have in common? Both are bipedal, both are carbon-based lifeforms that procreate by DNA replication, both in all probablility eat fish, both have survival instinct, both require fresh water for hydration, both have five senses; vision, hearing, touch, taste and smell, both are capable of at least limited cognition, and both can turn aggressive when provoked.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you thro them

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What did the horse say to the other horse? Neigh

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What do you call a fat man in a tiny pipe? Stuck.

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(Guy)That's what she said. (His Girlfriend) And who is this she.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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