How do you get someone to come out of the closet? Unlock it

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why did susie fall off the swing? she had no arms and no legs. knock knock who's there? not susie

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A wife asks her husband if he can fix the sink and he responds with Do I have plumber written on my forehead. Then she asks him if he can fix the porch and he responds with Do I have contractor written on my forehead. So the husband goes on vacation and comes back to find the sink and porch fixed and he asks his wife how it is fixed and she says that the new neighbor helped. So she says the neighbor said he would only do it for cake or sex. The husband respond by saying Which one did you choose. His wife responds by saying Do I have Betty Crocker written on my forehead.

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wheres binladin? at the bottom of the sea wanking over amy winehouse

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What happens when you cross a starfish with a dog? Dogs and starfish are from a different phylum. They are genetically incompatible.

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How many Aumish farmhands does it take to operate a state of the art commercial laser-cutter? One,provided he has the relevant training and experience.

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If an anti joke is told, and it is about an aunty is it an aunty anti joke? Adolf Hitler.

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Jersey Shore

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A baby seal walks into a club. I happens to be that the club is having their bi-annual PETA meeting, and the baby seal is chosen as the organization's new mascot. After touring the nation and meeting important world leaders, the baby seal still wonders why there was a club at the North Pole.

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Why was it true for sure? It was on wikipedia.

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What do you call a person with no legs playing soccer? A soccer player.

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On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me nothing because I'm single

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I was reading this book one time..... and my imagination took me away to many lands and times.

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a terrorist.

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Hitler said "Jew mad?" I did nazi that coming !

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All the other dinosaurs were laughing and teasing the tyrannosaurus because of his tiny arms. They left and the T.rex was sobbing uncontrollably next to a giant fern. "What's the matter little fellow?" said Jesus. The crying dinosaur looked down and said "I That's the end of my stupid puppet show, cuz I couldn't think of anything a blubbering dinosaur would say to our Lord and saviour.

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A guy walks into a bar, and then is hit with the full force of all the things he never did in life, of how he wasted his younger years chasing a bigger paycheck rather than trying to live life, and all the love he wasted on people who didn't care about him. He begins to cry as his first drink arrives, and orders many more as the night passes. He loses his keys as he leaves and stumbles home in a drunken stupor, contemplating suicide.

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What happened to the boy who cried wolf? He was brutally raped and killed, Inglewood is really not a place you want your children growing up.

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Why did the man suddenly burst into flames in room. The room was dark, so he lit a match. It turns out there was hydrogen in the room and when fire touches hydrogen, it sets on fire.

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Q. what is catness and pita name together pines

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how many jews does it take to screw in a light bulb? none their all dead.

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Today, I found out that my parents are first cousins

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What happened when the white man saw a black man running with a purse? He called the police. The police proceeded to chase the black man down tackling him into a dumpster, causing permanent spinal damage. Upon investigation into the situation, the black man was deaf and he was bringing the purse, which contained an epi-pen, to his dying wife a block away. The police officers involved were fired and sued by the family, ruining their lives. Months later they both committed suicide.

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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