A guy walks into a bar Many people gather around him to see if he is alright and to tell him he needs to watch where he is going.

Two bananas are walking down the street. One says, "Nice weather we're having, isn't it?" The other banana says, "Wait a minute, fruit can't talk." The second banana turns into a dove and promptly flies away.

How many hours of sleep did Jimmy get last night? Zero, because he has insomnia. Jimmy got fired from his job today because of his lack of energy and motivation due to his disorder. His wife divorced Jimmy because he can no longer support her and their two kids.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.????????

what do you call a fish with no eyes fsh

What's worse than finding a worm in your Apple? Ebola

*knock knock* "who's there?" "me, the person who knocked..duh"

What's the difference between basketball and an elephant? One's a sport and one's a large African animal.

What makes Stephen Hawking such a lame scientist??? A: he has a disabling disease. It's called ALS.

What do men and women have in common? They're both respected members of society, besides women.

What drink is dark yellow and freshly squeezed from one of the most healthy snacks? Piss.

What's the anonymous name for vampire hunters? The KKK.

What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?

Why did Susie fall off the swing Because she had no arms. Knock knock... Whose there... Not Susie Why did the plane crash Susie was flying it

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? At age two, she contracted an illness that left her blind, deaf, unable to speak, and was considered backwards of intelligence. She lived in a dark and hopeless world of her own, rendering her unable to do anything, let alone drive.

why did sally fall off the swing? because she was a fish.

how much is a microwave full of dead babies? a fridge full of dead puppies.

How do you make friends with a squrriel? Trust me, don't.

(This is a joke made up by the young son of a friend of mine many years ago. It is still one of my favorite jokes.) Why did the bird fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb Mary had a little lamb and the doctor was surprised

Why can't Helen Keller conduct a Train. Because she is dead.

What's worse than aids? Super aids.

What's one thing good about cancer? (make them guess) Nothing you fricking prick!

Do knock-knock jokes apply to homeless people?

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...