A man walks into a bar. He is then rushed to the emergency room for severe blunt force trauma to the head and multiple cranial fractures. After years of mental therapy the man re-gains full cerebral capabilities and is extremely cautious to keep an eye out for potentially dangerous bars that present a threat to his fragile reconstructed skull.

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Why did the first Monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the second Monkey fall out of the tree? He was tied to the first Monkey. Why did the third Monkey fall out of the tree? He thought it was a game.

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Why did Amy fall off the swing? Because she had no arms Knock knock Who's there? Not Amy

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oooh look a banshee

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There are two types of people in the world: 1. people who can extrapolate from incomplete data And I have two wonderful pieces of advice: 1. Never tell anyone everything you know

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what do you call a rat with wings? an evolutionary masterpiece

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Why did peter fall off his bike? Because Peter is a goldfish.

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Whats the worst part of Chemotharapy? The Cancer.

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Why didn't the girl get on the school bus? It was Sunday.

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What's funnier than my jokes? your face.

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Why did the blonde fail her driving test? She was paralyzed and had down syndrome.

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I milked the cow, but no gas came out.

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What do you get when you cross a Poodle with a cupcake? Stop looking at these anti-jokes and get back to work.

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A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it. "I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

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What do you call a bear with no fur? A taco.

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What happened when the young boy farted. It smelled. :)

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What did Bear Grylls say to the dead whale? Mmmm.

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What is James Miller's real name? James Miller.

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You know what sucks? Yes.

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Why did the washing machine laugh? Because it took the piss out of the knickers!!!!! :)

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WWII veteran screamed! "You damn yellow monkey" "But sir... ...my fur is brown!" Replied the monkey.

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What's brown and white all over? Chad butthole

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Rose are red Violets are blue And I really hate you Friends?????

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How do you get pikachu on a bus? Rape his wife and point a gun to his head and tell him that he'd better get on the damn bus before you shoot him. Btw sorry if I just double posted. I am on an iPad at school.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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