Why can't George Washington sit up straight? He's dead.

A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

A man walks into a bar Then another man shoots him in the head because he has anger issues.

Hey I just met you, and this is Crazy, but I think I Love You, so have my baby! ;)

What did the little boy say after he was pushed off the cliff? Nothing. He died, therefore, he is incapable of speaking.

Cleveland winning something

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have some H20" and the second one says, "I'll have some H20 too." The second scientist dies after drinking hydrogen peroxide.

If your uncle helped you off An horse, would you help your uncle jack off an horse?

A person expresses their opinion online. Another person thanks them for sharing their opinion but kindly disagrees, then he wishes the other person to have a good day.

What's brown and sticky? Fecal matter.

knock knock knocking on heavens douoor

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A bicycle.

whats red and bad for your teeth? A Brick

Is this the krusty krab? NO! THIS IS red lobster, how many i help you?

brainfart

what's 2 + 2? i don't know that's why i'm asking you

why did u fart to loud? because you butt said so

Lynching Lynching is an extrajudicial execution carried out by a mob, often by hanging, but also by burning at the stake or shooting, in order to punish an alleged transgressor, or to intimidate, control, or otherwise manipulate a population of people. It is related to other means of social control that arise in communities, such as charivari, riding the rail, and tarring and feathering. Lynchings have been more frequent in times of social and economic tension, and have often been the means used by the politically dominant population to oppress social challengers. Violence in the United States against African Americans, especially in the South, rose in the aftermath of the Civil War, after slavery had been abolished and recently freed black men were given the right to vote. Violence rose even more at the end of the century, after southern white Democrats regained their political power in the South in the 1870s. States passed new constitutions or legislation which effectively disfranchised most blacks and many poor whites, established segregation of public facilities by race, and separated blacks from common public life and facilities. Nearly 3,500 African Americans were lynched in the United States between 1882 and 1968, mostly from 1882 to 1920. Lynching during the 19th century in the United States, Britain and colonies, coincided with a period of violence which denied people participation in white-dominated society on the basis of race or gender after the Emancipation Act of 1833. Today lynching is a felony in all states of the United States, defined by some codes of law as "Any act of violence inflicted by a mob upon the body of another person which results in the death of the person," with a 'mob' being defined as "the assemblage of two or more persons, without color or authority of law, for the premeditated purpose and with the premeditated intent of committing an act of violence upon the person of another." Lynching in the second degree is defined as "Any act of violence inflicted by a mob upon the body of another person and from which death does not result." To sustain a conviction for lynching, at least some evidence of premeditation must be produced, but "The common intent to do violence" may be formed before or during the assemblage."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-BD0nWgoIw

How do you know that someone is polish ? They smell funny

Two cows are in a field. One says to the other, "are you worried about this mad cow disease that's going around?" The other replies, "I'm not worried - I'm a squirrel."

Q. How do you make an oil lamp turn off? A. Break it.

A man see's a bird and tries to get its attention by whistling at it, much like if it were a dog. The mans whistle fails to get the birds attention because birds have wings and dogs do not.

hardy har har.. i should be working on a school project right now!!

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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