A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why did the President Truman approve the use a nuke over Hiroshima? Sending Chuck Norris was widely considered to be too cruel.

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What's white and hides behind a tree? Shy milk.

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Why did the boy eat his bagel? He was hungry.

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Roses are red violets are blue I hate rhyming pancakes

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I've got a joke for you. The people writing these jokes. Thats a joke.

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Where do you find a dog with no legs? Wherever you left it

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What did the gay man say to the other gay man? Hey, we're both gay, let's have sex!

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What did the little boy with cancer say right before he died? Nothing. He was very sick and could not speak at all during his final weeks.

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How do you fit 100 babies in a bucket? put them in a blender. How do you get them out? potato chips.

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An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman are on a plane. The plan is carrying too much weight, and is destined to crash. They drop the luggage, but there is still too much weight on board. They drop the secondary engine, but there is still too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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What did the polar bear say to the penguin? Nothing because polar bears lived in the northern hemisphere and penguins lived in the southern. But if one is smuggled from north to south or vice-versa. The polar would growl and consume the penguin.

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wat?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? What kind of society have we created that a chicken can't even cross a road without his motives being questioned?

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In Soviet Russia, You drive the car, fill it up with gas and park it Just like in America

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What did the homeless child get for Christmas? Leukemia

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. They are both eaten fifteen minutes later.

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Augustus was touring his Empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued, he asked: ‘Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?’ ‘No, your Highness,’ he replied, ‘but my father was.

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How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They sent her to her room without dinner.

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What makes Stephen Hawking such a lame scientist??? A: he has a disabling disease. It's called ALS.

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My mumma your mumma live down the street 18,19 marble street out came you and out came me but then your mumma died from her pee

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Q:What's red and fluffy? A: A blue rock, if blue were red and rocks were fluffy

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Why does your mom not love you.... Because she is not your real mom.

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Yo mamma so fat, she probably has Type Two Diabetes - which is often associated with obesity - and should seek medical advice.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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