Hey, I just met you... No, I'm your brother. You've known me for 30 years. You must have memory loss.

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When life gives you lemons, find someone with a papercut.

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He was. I am sorry, he knows to much, this is for the well being of everyone, including yourself, he will be going down, the order has been given.

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Why didn't the Orphan finish his lemonade. His legs got chopped off.

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When the mom got home from work, she was very tired. Her 6 year old son asked her nicely to make him a PB&J sandwich. She said sure and made one. Her son was very pleased and ate all of it. He knew he had a great mom. I actually lied above. The mom was killed by three men in hoodies in her back yard. They came inside and also murdered to boy. Worst of all the killers stole all of her food including the rasberries the boy was looking forward to eat. I guess it doesn't matter now since he is unable to eat anymore...

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knock knock whos there open the door and find out

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The class valedictorian is about to give his speech to the class. He has 6 fingers total, he is missing an ear, his left nostril is burned shut, and he must walk on crutches because of the severe injury to his left knee. How does the extremely cruel Principal of the school introduce him? "Please welcome Gregory Barnes, a brave soul that conquered a battle against death itself an won".

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I'm a raging homosexual.

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Why is there a dead pakistani on my couch? Because someone put him there.

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How do you get four gay guys on a bar stool? With teamwork and coordination, each could place one foot on the seat, and they can all stand up using each other for balance and support. The fact that they are gay is irrelevant.

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kyle dosnt question his sexuality

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Now this is a story all about how, my life got flipped, turned upside down. Now I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, and I'll tell you how I lost my job at the tire plant, and how, being out of work and unable to find a new job, I was unable to pay my mortgage. The bank repossessed my house, my wife left me and took custody of the kids, and I ended up having to sell all my remaining possessions and move to a new city in order to try and find employment.

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Why were you at a funeral? Someone died.

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What's the difference between me and convicted pedophile? -The pedophile's been caught ;)

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YEAH WELL SMELL YOUR BREATH U BELLEND

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When life gives you lemons, you realise that life isn't a physical object and therefore you have problems. Have a nice day.

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What is faster than a black guy stealing a TV? His brother with a DVR

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Why did the man go to sleep at 9:30? Because his mom told him to

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What's red and hurts your teeth? A brick.

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I hate blackniggers

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why did the pinapple walk the plank? to eat a cat because cheese say people!

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What did the duck say to the flag? NOTHING DUCKS CANT SPEAK or flags

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What's the difference between a giraffe and an erection? An erection is much easier to obtain.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. These are facts. Good day.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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