Shotest joke ever... Your dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Heat oven to 375°. Grease 18 regular-size muffin cups (or 12 large size muffins). In bowl, mix butter until creamy. ... Add eggs one at a time, beating after each. Beat in vanilla, baking powder and salt. With spoon, fold in half of flour then half of milk into batter; repeat. Fold in blueberries.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

69

thumb_up thumb_down +35

How do you kill a circus? Go for the Juggler!

thumb_up thumb_down +33

5

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Roses are red, Violets are red, Daises are red, holy crap my garden is on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

How do you wake up lady gaga? Set an alarm for an appropriate time

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What did the virgin get for her birthday? Aids

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Q: What is wrong on many different levels? A: Rape on an elevator.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A Panda walks into a bar and orders a drink, he then shoots the bartender and leaves. The people are shocked and the panda is arrested.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

How much moss must a Moschops chop if a Moschops must chop moss?

thumb_up thumb_down +31

I walked into a bar and it hurt because it was metal

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What did the policeman say to the chav? Dickhead!

thumb_up thumb_down +31

what happened to the boy that walked down the street he got hit by a falling street light

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What do you call an Arab on a plane? A passenger, you racist!

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple??? You... Lol jk no there could be alot of things like getting raped, the holocaust, me killing your children i mean someone killing your children. Because if it was me you would know it was me and file a report and i would be arrested and be sent to jail. And in jail i would try my hardest to stay alive brcause if i died that would suck. I would also try not to drop the soap beacuse i might get rapped by some prisib mate, also the floors are quite dirty and that would guve me any type of bacteirial infection like the stupid yeats infection or maby the persob who takes it from me when i finnish would get aids cause it dropped on the floor and who knows were it was. Then he would die from aids and his wife and or kids would be sad and set up a funeral were a preist would stand in akward silence cause the guy murderd the preists father so he wouldnt be mean an ruin the funeral but he wouldnt say anything nice. But after the funeral the preist would go back home and smoke a cigarette because he has started an unhealthy habbit just like millions of people around the world. When will people learn that it kills you faster than cancer well some cancers are quite quick and painless like a head tumor. But most tumors are able to be saved because the doctors are smart these days coming from yale or havord universitys and what not. Most peopel want to take the easy way out by just working at kinkos or wallmart. Both jobs are shit wich is why im probably going to go there cause no one else will except me in there offices or departments. I think its the fact i look like a pedofile trying to kill babys but you know how life is short and difficult to control but you have one life why waste it. Stupid emo kids trying to cut emselfs and shoot themselfs so they dont have to deal with theirs or their partners periods because the other day coming back from mc donalds this guy almost hit me with his car and threw a cup at me for some strange reason but hey not my problem unless he was my first victim?...... Lol jk i have never killed anyone and im not that creapy... Awks POTATO!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What did the mother get her blonde daughter for her birthday? A flower on her tombstone.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Straight men can be bronies.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What did the Dog say to the Cat? Nothing, Cats and Dogs are of different species and can therefore not understand one another.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

I am on a escalator.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

(insert command here) Oh yeah, well I want world peace.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A Grape Soda inside a Chicken inside a Watermelon. Blackception.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why was the alcoholic unable to pass a stool when he sat down on the toilet? Because he did it on the floor.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why did the man fall over...he had a stroke!

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops