Q: Where does a hooker go for her footlong? A: Subway

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What do you get if you cross a Sheep with a Kangeroo. An abomination unto God.

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What did Jim say to Bob? Hi Bob.

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Not an anti-joke, but an anti-pick-up-line: How much does a polar bear weight? Not as much as you!

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Why did the Filipino hate internet advertising? Because navigating around a webpage with pestering visual and audible promotions often proves cumbersome and distracting from the task at hand.

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, , /^\ ___ /^\_/ `...' /` ,__\ ,' ~ ( ,___\ ,, ., \ \___ \\\ .'.' .-. ) .'.-\\\`.`. '.-. ( / (==== ."". ( o ) \ ,/u `~~~'| / `-' ) "")^u ^u^|~| `""". ~_ / /^u ^u ^\~\ ". \\ _ /u^ u ^u ~\ ". \\ ( \ )^ ^U ^U ^U\~\ ". \\ (_ (\ /^U ^ ^U ^U ~| ". `\ (_ _ \ )U ^ U^ ^U ^|~| ". `\. (_ = _(\ \^ U ^U ^ U^ ~| ".`.; (_ -( _\_)U ^ ^ U^ ^|~| "" (_ = ( ^ U^ U^ ^ U ~| (_ - ( ~ = ^ U ^U U ^|~/ (_ = (_^U^ ^ U^ U / (_- ~_(/ \^ U^ ^U^," (_ = _/ |^ u^u." (_ (/ |u^ u.( (__/ )^u^ u/ /u^ u^( |^ u^ u/ |u^ u^( ____ |^u^ u( .-' `-, \^u ^ \ / ' .---. \ \^ u^u\ | ' ` ; | \u^u^u:` . `-' ; | `-.^ u`._ _.'^'./ "-.^.-```_=~._/ `"------"' Seahorse

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What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the the wheels.

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Why did the black man steal purple kool-aid, chicken and watermelon? Because it was the birthday of his 8 year old daughter with autism and she loves purple kool-aid, chicken and watermelon and he was very poor and wanted to make his little girl happy for once.

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I was at the ocean, and I saw a screaming fish. Then it died.

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Knock, knock Who's there? The police. Your under arrest!

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Yes!

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Why was Sally crying She got a high five In the face With a chair

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It got hit by a bus.

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I hate it when sentences don't end the way you expect them potato.

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How did the blind man eat his soup? With a spoon. Despite no vision, the man could feel the shape of what he was touching.

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Knock, Knock Who's there? The interrupting doctor The inter- You have cancer

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Why did sally break her arm? A piano fell on her

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wanna hear a joke? no.

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Heat oven to 375°. Grease 18 regular-size muffin cups (or 12 large size muffins). In bowl, mix butter until creamy. ... Add eggs one at a time, beating after each. Beat in vanilla, baking powder and salt. With spoon, fold in half of flour then half of milk into batter; repeat. Fold in blueberries.

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A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released into a nearby park.

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Paul and Steve, Siamese twins attached at the head, come to a fork in the road they are traveling. Paul wants to go left, while Steve wants to go right. They pause for a moment to figure out which direction would be the best choice for the both of them. They decide to go Paul's way, and as they continue to travel in silence, they try to imagine what life as a self-reliant individual would be like.

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what do you call a newborn baby? anything you want.

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What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane? There's no such thing. 500,000 people can't fit onto one plane.

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look at this bag of air it has some chips in it

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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