What did Helen Keller say to a stranger at a party? I earned a Bachelor of Arts degree, wrote several books, traveled to over 39 countries, and was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, one of the United States' highest two civilian honors, from President Lyndon B. Johnson.

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What does KFC stand for? Kids Fattening Center

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What would you do for a Klondike bar? I'd probably pay in cash.

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Do Minnesotans have accents? Oh ya, you betchya.

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Polite say "Hey you, get out of that tree."

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Two Jewish kids walked into a bar... mitzvot.

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Why really answer a question when you can just respond, "because you touch yourself." For example, Q: Why did fluffy die? A: Because you touch yourself.

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What percentage of her brain does Sarah Palin use? 100%. That humans use only 10 or 30% of their brains is a myth.

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Q: how do u piss off a plumber? A: kill his whole family

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roses are red violets are blue i have a penis get in the bed

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What did the podiatrist say to the proctologist? That athletes foot fungus is clearing up nicely.

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There was once a simple man. His life was far from what could be described as extravagant, living alone in a dingy apartment full of leaking taps and insects and lacking a working refrigerator. He wasn't an ungrateful man but he often wondered why life was cruel to him and prayed every night for something magical to happen, whether it be a brand new life, or even something simple like a new fridge. One fateful late afternoon as he staggered along the dim backstreet, partially crippled and pained from his standard day of labour, he came across a brass lamp just laying in the street. Glancing around, the man bent down to pick it up, knowing very well the story of the genie in the lamp having just watched Aladdin the previous night. Peering into its dull surface, he saw eyes staring back at him, eyes he didn't recognise. Anxiously, he ran his hands over the surface of the lamp, feeling the coolness of the metal on his rough blistered hands. But nothing happened! Disappointed but desperate for his dreams to be fulfilled, the man frantically shook the lamp, tears streaming down his face, wonder how life could be so cruel. Then a fridge fell out of the lamp and crushed him and he died the end.

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im a ginger and i get beat up everyday

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Vagina ass.

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so one day i was getting my daughter artemisia ready for school and so i came in her room and got her pants and so i put it on and then i said did you grow during the summer really did you and then she said daddy both of my feet are stuck on one side of the leg

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Why did the samurai commit Sepuku? Because it is an honorable Japanese tradition.

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A dog and a bird are sitting in the front yard of a small suburban community. The bird turns to the dog and says nothing, because birds lack the ability to speak. The dog then reaches down and slowly consumes the bird before returning to his house.

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How do you kill a fashion icon? First make sure their blonde and stupid like most. then take a barstool preferably or what ever is closest then........ WACK HER IN THE EMPTY SPOT WHERE HER BRAIN SHOULD BE.

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Two muffins are in an oven. It was a really small batch.

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So an Indian walks into a bar and says: ? ?? ??? ?????? ??? ??? ? ??? ??? ??????

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Billy's alarm clock went off at 8:00 AM but Billy was really tired but still his Dad forced him to go to school.

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How can you confuse a blonde? Give her a calculus worksheet that she hasn't learned how to do.

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What do you get when mix an orange with juice? Orange juice.

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Does this napkin smell like chlorofoam?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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