Why did the boy fall in the hole? He had no eyes

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So there was a pirate, he got shot in the back. And when he got shot he turned to his freind (fellow pirate) and said i have been shot and there is a pretty good chance i will die.

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A blonde's house is on fire so she calls the fire department and they ask her how to get there. She gives them the address, but they hear her wrong and she dies a horrible fiery death.

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How do you realize your life is over? You don't, but the coroner does.

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When geese fly, they often fly in a V-formation. Why is one side of the V is always longer than the other? Because there are more birds on that side.

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What do you call three black men in a car? One driver, and two passengers.

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If you want to paint a wall red, what is the fastest way to paint it with a crying baby? The baby will get very annoying and delay your wall from being painted so you put it in its crib in another room until you are done.

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What did the cab driver say to the duck who wanted a ride in the cab? Get out of the cab.

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A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English. It is confused by it surroundings, and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

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How do you fit 100 babies into a bowl? You use a blender. How do you get them out? Tostitos scoops.

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A welsh guy walks into a pub. This something any average guy would do.

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I told a woman to make me a turkey sandwich. Of course she complied since I was at Subway.

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What did Steven Hawking say to God after he died? Nothing. He can't talk.

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Have you heard the story of the empty room? Theres nothing in it.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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Roses are red. Violets are red. Everything is red. I soaked it in the blood of small children.

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crime in multi story is wrong on so many levels!

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Why did Rose throw the clock out the window? Because she's a moron.

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-How do you pull a prank on Helen Keller? -Stick a plunger in the toilet!

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Women's sports.

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Roses are red Violets are blue This line doesn't rhyme Neither does this one.

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What do you call a Mexican who gets shot on a golf course? A tragic incident.

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How can you tell that a blonde has been using a computer? You can't. There's no common link between computing habits and hair color.

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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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