I farted once. Haiti took the brunt of it.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A man waltzes into a bar, waving a carrot in the air. With an arrogant air of self-importance he flops onto a highchair at the bar. Looka here, looka here, he says to the bartender, waiving the carrot at the man. Will you buy me drinks all night, if I can make this carrot... Never mind, and please leave my bar, the bartender says, pulling out a carrot from under the counter. I've got one myself.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

If I have 10 apples and you have 45 oranges how many plates can we fit on the roof? Purple because monkeys don’t fly

thumb_up thumb_down +6

ollie is a fag so are you

thumb_up thumb_down +6

why can't Helen Keller drive? because she's a women

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why does Magic Johnson always use extra large condoms? Because he's got a giant dick and HIV.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations]) That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why is my brother white and i am brown? the milk man is very fast!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Once upon a time, a princess was hungry. and there was a frog wearing a tux for some reason.so the princess ate him. THE END.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

you are gay

thumb_up thumb_down

Did you know?

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the man burn his face? He went into a fire. :D

thumb_up thumb_down

If life gives you melons.. You're just plain retarded.

thumb_up thumb_down

What do the Wizard of Oz, Popeye and my sweaty, fat asshole all have in common? The letter O.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Is this the krusty krab? No, this is Patrick

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did Tyrone attack? Because he was getting made fun of

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A priest and a prostitute are sitting next to each other on a bus. The priest asks her what she does, and she says "I sell my body to strange men." The priest then explains to her about Christianity, and she gives up her ways and becomes a devout Christian.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

what do you call a needle with two heads? a two headed needle

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How do you keep black people out of your back yard? Just like you would anyone else: buy a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

how did the turtle die? it drowned itself

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Knock knock? Whose there? Who's. Who's who? No you used the wrong form of who's.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

why did the first monkey fall out the tree? he was dead why did the second monkey fall out the tree? he was hit by the first one why did the third monkey fall out the tree? peer pressure why did the fourth monkey fall out the tree? he thought it was a game

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What do you call a man with no eyes or ears? - Deaf and Blind.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops