kill yourself....with a cigarette

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Whats black and white all over? Michael Jackson

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A man walks into his cubicle and sits down. After a long day of work, he goes home and happens to die whilst eating dinner.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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What did the black police officer say to the white police officer? We just got a call in. Four dead children were found in an alley behind a mall.

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Q:What happens when you choke a smurf? A: Nothing because smurfs dont exist

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Why did the Koala Bear fall out of the tree? Because shortly before, it's life had ended due to lethal chlamydia, which is not uncommon for a Koala Bear these days. Due to it's loss of thought and therefore muscle control, it lost it's grip on the branch it was holding and naturally gravity took over.

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What happened to the man taking a shit? An unfortunate drop of water splashed back onto his arse

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ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSUCKMYDICK

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra

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A blonde, a Jew, and a black man all went to the store. They each bought their groceries and went home to enjoy the rest of their day with their families.

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Why is Texas so hot? The sun

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What was the blind man doing on the bridge? Getting struck by lightning.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Violets are actually purple or white

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue Holy guacamole Pineapples

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What's the difference between a horse and a house? 1 letter.

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roses are red poo is poo

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A panda , a cheetah, a dog, a spider, and an eagle are in Antarctica.. The eagle looks around at the other baffled animals and says " What is this????? This isn't right! I'm so confused!"

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A baby seal walks into a club. The man holding the club skins him and makes a lot of money.

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How did Billy tip the cow? He didn't, cows are animals and that would be wrong.

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Why did the monkey fall off? It had no more lives. Why did the second monkey fall off? I dunno. Why did the third monkey fall off? Since the second was unknown, the third does not exist. Why did the little girl died? It's pretty obvious.

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Thankgiving Jimmy: I'm thankful for my family Thomas: I'm thankful for shelter Jake: I'm thankful for running over babies

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Q: Why did the boy have a bloody nose? A: Because a serial killer split his head in half with an axe.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was being disturbed by two black guys raping a young girl with leukemia

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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