Someone told me once, but i had terrible memory so I had them tell me again.

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why did the shark bite the surf board? It thought it was turtle.

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A German challenged an Englishman to a duel But their neigbours found out and alerted the police

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What is orange and smells like oranges? Oranges.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Kelly Oh hi Kelly! Long time no see! I know! I've been my working fingers to the bone ever since I got that promotion and I barely have any free time! That must be tough. It is but it pays bills! Being a mother of three isn't a task for the faint of heart. Now Kelly,I was wondering how you thought of the remodeled kitchen....

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Seargent: Quick seal off all the exits so he cant get away. Private: OK 2 minutes later Private: He escaped sir Seargent: What, how Private: through one of the entrances

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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If you put two black men in an empty room, what will they do? They will most likely try to figure out why they have been put in such a confusing scenario. Then one of the black men will suggest the possibility that maybe they are being used as a subject of a joke. The other black man agrees then they both hang themselves since they have no other purpose in life.

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Roses are red violets are blue Timmy what are doing with that gun?! Bang....

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what is the difference between my pubes and my actualy hair on my head.... my pubes didnt fall off when i went trough chemo

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what do you call a dog with not legs? it doesn't matter what you call it, its not coming

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I dont think i could ever stab someone, I can barely get a straw through a capri sun

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What is the sound of one hand clapping? I don't know you have a hand try it yourself lazy prick.

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What is brown and has three legs? A horse. It lost a leg in a glue factory.

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What did the German say to the Jew? Welcome to Germany we hope you enjoy your stay

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get to the other side.

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Why didn't the woman have a penis? Because she was female.

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Nothing.

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Why did the woman have no boobs? Breast cancer

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NEVER

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So a blonde walks into a wall...

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What do you get when you cross a muffin with chocolate chips? A chocolate chip muffin.

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How do you circumcise a cat? Shoot an orphan in the leg with a rail gun.

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Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: It doesn't matter what you call him, he isn't going to come.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops