knock knock whose there?? seth oh, come in

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Once upon of time an old man goes to a hospital and tells the doctor that he wants to get circumcised for the first time. The doctor says "Are you sure, you are 90 years old" and the old man says "please doc, just do it." So he goes on with the procedure and the old man is very happy. He returns home with his foreskin and keeps it inside a small box. The old man goes out for dinner and comes home to see his foreskin missing. He gets very angry and asked his daughter "Have you seen my little box?" Daughter says no. He asked his son-in-law "Did you take my box with my foreskin?" Son in law says "No, never." The old man asks the dog "Doggie, did you take my foreskin?" The dog says "Why yes, yes I did." The old man angrily says "Well give it back!" The dog says "I will give your foreskin back if you do me one favor." The old man says "What is it?" The dog says "Three blocks down the street there is a purple house with a cute dog that I would like you to bring to me to go on a date with. Bring her to me and I'll give you back the box." So the old man walks three blocks down the street and spots the purple house. He knocks on the door and a woman opens the door. The old man asks "Excuse me ma'am, i just got circumsized yesterday and I was wondering if I can borrow your dog for just one night because my dog some how blackmailed me and kept my foreskin and said that if I can get my dog and your dog together he would give me my foreskin back." The woman replies " Who the FFFFF are you?!!!"

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knock knock who's there? no one... your lonely so you hear things

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Roses are red, violets are blue. Except, technically, violets are violet.

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Q: What do you call a midget psychic who escaped from prison? A: His or her name.

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What's the difference between a baby and a pineapple? Pineapples were not shot by nazis during the holocaust.

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What's green and fuzzy and has legs that would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table

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how do you refer to a guy with a backwards baseball cap and leather jacket and low riding? by his first name

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What's worst then not getting anything on Christmas? Rape, Murder, Dying.

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Q. What's green and will kill you if it falls out of a tree A. A pool table

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What's worse than getting full-blown AIDS? Nothing.

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Someone thought that an onion was the only food that made you cry. So I threw a watermelon at his face.

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A duck walks into a bar and says he needs to buy a hammer. The bartender tells him that he's probably looking for the hardware store across the street. The duck realizes that he's disoriented again and should listen to his wife's many pleadings to get back on his medication.

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What do you call cheese that's not yours? STOLEN! You're under arrest.

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How do you stop a baby from crying? Put it in the microwave

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A man comes home from work and find his wife in bed with another man. They realize that they have grown apart over the past few years, and start attending therapy in an ultimately unsuccessful attempt to reconnect with each other.

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How do you kill a blond? Make her listen to the song "Friday" for two hours straight.

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Why is the ANTIJOKE symbol 2 mask faces crying? Because some people don't know how to write a good joke.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a ginger all die in a car accident. Their souls all go to heaven. Nevermind, only the blonde, and brunette's souls went to heaven, since everybody knows, gingers don't have souls.

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Q: What happens when you eat all the potatoes A: They are all gone

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Why was the Librarian mad at the laughing kids?? they were laughing cause someone shot her.

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Yo Mama is so fat She wears XL clothes.

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A rabbi, a nun, and a homosexual walk into a bar. They proceed to get drunk, and party like its 1972. Oh yeah. And your dad was just killed by a refrigerator.

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Q: What's brown and sticky? A: A stick.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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