How do you stop an assassin? Kill their target

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What's a vampire's favorite subject in school? Probably math.

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What did one terrorist say to another? You first.

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What is the big difference between chopped pork and pea soup? One of them involves the killing of an intelligent animal and the other involves the harvesting of seeds from a non-sentient plant.

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What is green and sticky and oozes up a kid's upper lip? A homesick booger.

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How many dyslexics does it take to screw in a light bulb? Dyslexia is a cognitive learning disability characterized by the sufferer's inability to fluently spell, speak and read. Being a intellectual disability, the chances that dyslexia could impair the practical functionality of a sufferer are very slim and hence it it is highly probable that it would only take one dyslexic to change a light bulb in the simplest of conditions. However, to definitively answer this question, I would have to know a range of variables such as the height above the ground at which the light socket is mounted, the physical height of the dyslexic, the voltage and amp characteristics of the light-bulb itself, the physical well-being of the dyslexic etc. These variables are unknown, are not mentioned in the initial question (as is common for this type of question) and hence, I cannot answer this question to any degree of accuracy.

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What's the difference between a bowl of chili and a urologist? One's hot and spicy, and the other analyzes urine [Emo Philips]

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All work and no play makes Johnny successful in his field of interest.

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You know, dark humor just isn't everyone's cup of liquiffied dead baby.

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why did Tommy fall of his bike? because he was getting raped by a walrus

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Roses are red, violets are blue Vodka is cheaper that dinner for two.

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knock knock whose there?? seth oh, come in

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Joey and Jack walked into a bar, and proceeded to have gay sex on the floor.

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What's the difference between a baby and a pineapple? Pineapples were not shot by nazis during the holocaust.

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What did Batman Tell Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Get in the Batmobile

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Why couldn't johnny go home? Someone commited arsen and burned it down.

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Why doesn't the Athiest wear socks? He has a minor fungal condition on his feet.

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What's green and fuzzy and has legs that would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table

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how do you refer to a guy with a backwards baseball cap and leather jacket and low riding? by his first name

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. I cut off his leg.

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How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Tie her up and force her to watch as you brutally murder her entire family.

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How do you keep your dog warm? Put antifreeze in its water dish.

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Wanna hear a Harry Potter joke? Knock Knock Who's there? You know You know who?

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What do you call a mix between a beaver and a mammal? You can't mix beavers and mammals, and even if I had said a platypus that would not have been funny.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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