I wont be arriving soon alright, I mean I am a overachiever for many reasons many of them not exactly "gifts" (such as the pain I cant shut up about but focus on other things such as my goal surely keeps my mind occupied enough). Thanks about the looks comment, used to think I was pretty good looking myself, so if I am more than the looks, then I really like that one (I know I am being a bit brash, but I haven't felt this... Better in a long time, and if hell if I will fake low self confidence, modesty is not my thing when I am not in the mood to be charming) By the way, Alice is quoting me, and having a laugh doing so apparently, lets just say I wont be typing myself ever again, my fingers are not... Useful, and honestly typing with one hand was always a bitch. Enough about me, ill have one of "my shadows" send you money for a first class (seriously you have spent enough on me, and now that my city is making a revenue and still advancing, its my turn to return whatever I can) Tell your parents you won the lottery and share some of the money with them I am sending you a bit extra so to speak. And ffs do not worry about my body, not even sure if I will walk again and speaking, well while it hurts (Alice is laughing again) people here concluded I would live for faaar longer than their first prognosis since I never been a fan of shutting up, and as I told them, my mouth will keep yapping about 200 years after I die, so no problemo. Ill send you a first class to... Nvm you take the money, and come around whenev... You know what? Ill send a plane, yeah, because we can afford that, not yours to keep but you know...

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I am Asian, I've seen the color blue, but God made a mistake, Asians are taller than you.

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what happened to your carpool? they died.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because death was certain if it didn't.

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Why couldn'nt Sally swing on the swing? Because Sally was a carrot

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wanted to.

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What's black and is hanging from a tree in my backyard? Avocados.

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Why was the boy depressed? A. because his whole family was slaughtered on the kitchen floor.

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so there is a 13 year old boy who got left home while the rest of his family was driving to colorado, so the police comes to his door, and says son your whole family has just died in a plane accident. And the boy says, but my family was driving. . . the policeman then says, i'm aware, the plane actually hit their car and only killed your family.

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I recently found out I have aids just kiddin heres the real joke... I recenly found out that Philidelphia means "City of Brotherly Love" and I said so do people in philly say its always free hug day in Phillipd fun house in philly?

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why does my face bleeding theres an axe in it

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Why did Sally fall off the Empore State Building? Her mother threw a refrigerator at her. -BG

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The Ambulance. Ambulance who? Sir, we're going to need you to come down to the hospital, your son is dead.

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Cody went to the store. Big Floppy Donkey Dick.

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Why did the man get go to sleep? He got hit in the face with a hammer.

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How do you cause ultimate pain to a imprisoned Jew during the holocaust? Moral: You give him an apple WITH a worm in it.

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what's the difference between a dolphin and a ghost? dolphins aren't ghosts!!

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Ask me if I'm a rock. Are you a rock? No.

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How do you kill a vampire? You can't because vampires aren't real.

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a bunch of guys did cocain for the first time. they later died from a drug over dose.

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whats worse than a baby impaled on your lawn... the universe being consumed by a giant albino ape with over sized testicles

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What do you call 100 black men at the bottom of the ocean? A scuba group because during these hot summer months they like to cool off and go scuba diving.

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Q: What did the cat say to the dog? A: I hate you, alot

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I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I was raped by a giant scorpion...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops