Wilson: would you buy lottery when you grow up Mattuew: no theres no point Wilson: ask Xiangxi right next to you Mattuew: xiangxi, would you buy lottery if you grow up? Xiangxi: Prabably not, because the chance of winning a lottery is lower than becoming an astronaut Mattuew: the probability of you winning the lottery is higher than you finding a girlfriend

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Your family is so fat that when their feet hit the ground, it recorded 9 on the richter scale, because they were launched at the Earth at close to the speed of light, and when you account for relativistic mass effects, the amount of energy that was displaced into the ground was tremendous

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Giant scorpions, red roses, adoption, the holocaust, bars, changing light bulbs, and fridges.

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There were three soap salesmen in a bar. They were comparing how good they were at selling their wares. "I'm so good that I sell 60% of my soap bars each day," says the first salesman, bragging. The second one wasn't to be outdone. "I'm so good that I sell 80% of my soap bars," he declared. The last salesmen, who, up to the moment had been relatively quiet, suddenly said in a calm and collected manner, "Oh that's nothing. I'm so good that I sell all of my soap bars each day."

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What do you call a Mexican who likes to eat burritos? A Mexican

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What did the scarf say to the hat? Nothing, a scarf can't talk.

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What's black and white and red all over? A blood-soaked zebra

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Once i tried to do math ! She wasn't getting wet so i stopped!

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why did the kid get home from school early cause he was home from school..

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Why celebrate your birthday, its just getting closer and closer the death.

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There was a papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a baby tomato. Coincidentally, it was also Tuesday.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue I just sharpened this hatchet Don't make me use it!

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How many blondes does it take to play a game of hide and seek? One ... ;)

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Why is the horny toad named that way? Because its a misnomer of the horned lizard.

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What did the Woman say to the man after he walked into the pole? That was a pole you idiot

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What's read,bubbly and looks out the window? A baby in a microwave

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How does Justin Bieber remove a condom? he farts

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There are two muffins in the oven. The first says to the other, "Its getting hot in here." The second, befuddled, replies, "AHH! A talking muffin!"

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jess always squints her eyes when making a point

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What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy? Gangrape.

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knowone loved me why???????????????????????? because they were so damm ugly

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Haiku's aren't real poems. No body understands them. My soul is burned toast.

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how do you know an elephant has gotten into your refrigerator? The fridge is on its side, the door is torn off, and the ruined food scattered all over the floor. Not to mention there is an elephant in your kitchen.

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Why don’t stores sell mouse-flavored cat food? It’s a matter of marketing; tuna, chicken and liver flavors sound much more palatable to the humans buying the pet food.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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