What does chuck norris do at 4 o clock in the morning ? Sleep

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What's white and moves at a glacial pace? A glacier.

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What is the best way to avoid wrinkles as you age? Moisturise with a good quality moisturiser, use high factor suncream on the face, get plenty of sleep, drink plenty of fluids, wear a hat and sunglasses and stay in the shade between 11am and 3pm, and try to eat a diet that is heart-healthy (for example, wholegrain, oily fish, and/or flax seed), as heart failure over a long time leads to sagging skin with a loss of elasticity.

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Why did the golfer take an extra pair of pants to the golf course? In case they ripped and he needed a replacement.

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Where do bananas come from? Mexico

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Do you know what's fun about having sex with twenty-seven year-olds? There are twenty of them.

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i was molested.

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whats worse than getting in a car crash Heroshema

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Q: What do you call a bathtub? A: A bathtub

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So a Jewish man walks into a bar, You think Jesus being all knowing would have realized it was there.

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Roses are der, Violets are lube, I am dyslexic.

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if a white guy, a black guy and a hispanic guy jump off a 10 story building, who hits the ground first? the man who jumped first. racist.

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Q: What's brown and sticky? A: A stick.

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Knock Knock Whose there? A field full of mexicans A field full if mexicans who? F**k You

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Knock, Knock The door's open

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What did the doctor say to the Lawyer? I get paid more

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here's a joke a black man goes in a store and buy something

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What's blue and orange at the bottom of a swimming pool? A dead baby, why's it there? I popped the arm bands.

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What do you call a woman with a penis? A Hermaphrodite.

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Why was the Jewish man put to death? Because he was convicted by a jury of his peers in a fair trial overseen by a judge in good standing in a United States court for 12 counts of homicide

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Why was the old lady hard of hearing? She spent many of her young days blasting hard rock from her speakers/

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Did you hear about the kid napping? They found his body in a ditch.

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Cancer victim: What kind of doctor are you? Person 2: I'm not a doctor. In fact, I'm a suicide bomber and am planning to initiate the detonation sequence right now. Cancer victim: Well, it doesn't really matter. No matter who shows up, I'll still die anyways. This way, I'll be able to pay a visit to the transcendent city high in the heavens sooner. Person 2: I bet that many would mourn your death at your remembrance ceremony. Cancer victim: That doesn't bother me. My friends and family are close to my heart, but that doesn't warrant eternal proximity with one another in itself. Person 2: Let's go to a better place. Let us finally break free of our mortal chains that have unceasingly been hindering our progress since the first war took place. Cancer victim: Wait, I've changed my mind! Person 2: Too late. I wish I had a time machine... not.

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What do you call a bunny with a knife in his chest? Emo

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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