What did Jesus say when he was nailed to the cross? Nothing, he was in tremendous pain.

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What happens when you throw a midget off of a tall building? It dies and the people below get midget on them

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Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "You man the guns, i'll drive."

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A man calls his wife, but she doesn't pick up. He comes home and shouts his wife's name, but no one responds. He walks upstairs and sees the bedroom door half-opened. He enters and sees his wife sleeping.

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Why is motorboating so much fun? Because they are unmatched for their speed and agility in the water.

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What's black, white, and red all over? Half of a dalmatian.

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When will Abe Vigoda be alive again? Never. There will never again be a time when Abe Vigoda will be alive. For example, Abe Vigoda will be dead for the entirety of the year 2038. He will continue to be dead if we move forward to the year 2091, and even if we keep jumping forward throughout history, stopping in the years 2250, 2871, and 3546, we will not land in an era when Abe Vigoda will be alive. Another way to look at this is to imagine Abe Vigoda had died in earlier years. Let's say he had died in 1902. Would he be alive today? The answer, sadly, is no. We get the same answer if we suppose Abe Vigoda had died in 1822, 1715, or ~ 85,200,000 BPE. To sum up, it is not precisely accurate to say that Abe Vigoda will be dead for a very long time. That implies a limit on the amount of time he will be dead. There is no limit.

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Why did the Mexican cross the road? The light was green.

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The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

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Two pretzels were walking down an alley way, one was assaulted. In a instinctive move, the other quickly ran away and alerted the authorities. The assaulted pretzel was severely injured but slowly recovered covered from physical trauma and has now sought professional help to deal with it's great deal of post traumatic stress.

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there was a pre school teacher and he told the children to draw a squirell. One boy breaks into tears because his entire family was slaughtered by a pack of squirrels. This upset the teacher

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What happened to the guy who bought a nice, brand new, plasma screen t.v.? He hanged himself.

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How many squirrels does it take to drive a refrigerator 10 quarts per elephant? Vanilla Cake

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Morning wood.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I need to go to the bathroom.

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Three blonds walk into a bar ... They said ouch!

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Q: What was Steve Jobs' last words before he died? A: I Think i might die.

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VAGINA.

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Q. Why did Steve Carell, the 40 year old virgin, fail to get laid? A. Erectile Dysfunctioning.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wanted to get hit and die

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what do you call a cat with no tail? smithers.

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What is three times more dangerous than war? Three Wars.

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when life gives you lemons you make lemonade when life gives you a homisidle brige you clearly have done something to make life angery

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Today my friend was surprised at the black joke I told today, but I can tell that joke because most of my closest friends are white.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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