Roses are red. Violets are red. I have a gun. What did i do?

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How many people does it take to drive a car? 1 person

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What did Jesus Christ say to John the Baptist? Nothing. He didn't exist.

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Roeses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, My Name Is Dave, Microwave

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Q. How many trees does it take to change a light bulb? A. Trees can't change light bulbs.

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Guy #1: Knock knock Guy #2: Whos there? Guy #1: Interrupting murderer Guy #2: Interrupting murd.... Guy #1: STAB!!!

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If I was in a room with hitler Osama bin laden and Justin bieber and a gun with 2 bullets. I would shoot Justin bieber twice

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cchina is communist the USA isnt WHY?

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Why did the man start vacuuming his neighbor's floor? He had to get the GSR

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What's Hitler's favorite drink? Jews (meaning juice)

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How do you make a plumber sad? You murder his family.

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"Knock knock" "Who's there?" Not Sally because she has no arms ~Sally jokes

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How did Debbie get a black eye? Because her dad asked her to take off her pants and she refused so he beat her

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What did the little girl who's parents died in a car accident get you her birthday? Foster Parents

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what's round, hairy, has eight legs- but isn't a spider? A spider.

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Did you hear about Helen Keller's dog? Neither did she.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, most chickens are held on farms, but those that do roam free are afraid of automobiles so therefore they wouldn't go near a road at all. But if the chicken was located in a deserted town there would be no traffic, so then it would be able to cross freely over any road there and not get injured or mortally wounded.

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Why did the man walk into the grocery store? To provide an alibi for his identical twin who was committing 1st degree murder at the time.

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Hey, how much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to drown as a result of climate change.

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What do you get if you cross a fairy cake with some boiled parsnips? Fladgemuffin

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What did the father tell his son who was caught stealing from the teacher? --The father didn't say anything because he walked out on his family when the children were born.

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a Ferrari? A Ferrari was never alive.

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Keira Knightley walked in to a coffee shop. The man behind the counter said "Wow, you're Keira Knightley!". Keira replied, "No, actually I am just one of your many masturbatory fantasies. You are currently staring at an old lady that just asked you for a latte". "Oh, by the way. You are drooling and have an erection."

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A middle-aged white woman is walking toward a building, talking on her cellphone to a friend. She says, "Yes, I can meet you for lunch in a few hours. I have to go to the unemployment office to sign up for benefits. It's going to be horrible. It'll probably be full of black people." Standing in line, she is incredibly uncomfortable and horrified, because there is a black man right behind her, and she is stuck standing next to him for a long time. Finally it's her turn, and she steps up to the counter. The clerk asks her, "And what did you do for a living?" She answers, "I mopped the floors and cleaned the bathroom in a Blockbuster store that closed down." The clerk says, "Fill out this paperwork and take it to window #2." As she turns around, she is once more repulsed by the black man who is standing right there. Now that it's his turn, he steps to the counter, and the clerk asks him, "And what did you do for a living?" He answers, "I was the senior vice president of global strategic development for Eastman Kodak."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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