Roses are red, Violets are blue, My name's Dave, Microwave!

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Top 10 Signs You Might Be Lonely and in Need of a Friend 10. Your closest friend has a skull tattooed on his knuckles and goes by the nickname bruiser. 9. You are becoming a little too fond of chess and pocket protectors. 8. You parents complain that your friends are a "Pack of wild chickens"-and it's not a figure of speech. 7. You follow your mailman around in hopes of a good conversation. 6. A cop pulls you over for speeding, and you add him to your Chistmas card list. 5. Your equation for a snappy party = TV remote + bean dip. 4. You forward e-mail jokes to yourself regularly. 3. You six best friends are Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey, Ross, and Rachel. 2. You've named all of your roaches. 1. Phone solicitors hang up on you!

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Feeling that your friends do not listen to your insightful conversations? BUY A PARROT! Teach it to say "Uhuh", and "Ahah", and "Dats coo!" NOW YOU CAN BE COMPLETELY APRECIATED BY A FUCKING BIRD THAT DOES NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING... ...BUT IS IT... APPRECIATING IT? DUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! MYSTERY!

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What kind of condoms do cows use? None.

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How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None.

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Q: How do you make a clown stop laughing? A: Hit it in the face with an axe

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Roses are red Violets are blue I am disabled, so please help me poo.

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I am reading the Terms of Service, however I don't fully agree with it's contents.

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Q. What roles did girls play in the Gold Rush of 1849? A. Miners.

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Why did the Asian man go to bed? Because he was tired

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What did the surgeon say to the patient? Nothing. The patient died on the table.

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Some black guy grabs a white guys wallet. the black guy says " hey I think you dropped this"

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What do you get when you cross George Bush and Barack Obama? Presidents.

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Wat did the man say to the other man when they were alone. We dont know. They were alone.

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An irish man stumbles out of a bar.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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Ask me if im a tree? No

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Knock Knock Who's there? Orange Orange who? Sorry, what? your door is kind of thick.

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a woman votes!

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Why did the seagull fly over the sea, It had wings.

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What do you call a dog eating a dead dog? A hungry dog

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Whats worse than a mother of 3 children, jumping off a bridge, smashing into the metal roof of a large car and dieing on impact? A mother of 3 children jumping off a bridge, smashes into the metal roof of a large car, survives,, becomes paralyzed, and has to explain to her children, why she is in a wheel chair for the rest of her life.

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What's big, black, juicy, large, and succulent? A gourmet meatball.

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a jew walks out of a furnace

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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