What's large, green, and pissed off? The dumpster out back

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How do you put an elephant in a refridgerator? Go to your local zoo with a shotgun, shoot to kill, load elephant in Uhaul, drive home, remove elephant from Uhaul, sharpen your ax, put on mask to pevent excessive blood on face, begin to chop elephant into small chunks, put the chunks into ziplock bags, call a friend to help you move bags into refridgerator, and move bags into refridgerator. Once all the bags are in the refridgerator, dismiss your friend, get in car, and drive to mexico because killing an elephant is not legal and the police will be there soon. Now as for the giraffe...

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What did the murderer get for Christmas? Executed.

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What did the doctor say to the camel with no hump? You're a horse.

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whats the difference between 100 dead babies and a ferrari? the ferrari is not in my garage.

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Why does an actor enjoy his work so much? Because it’s all play.

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What did little Mindy Granger find on her paper route? Human teeth.

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How do you make a model ugly? you shoot her in the face.

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What happened when the man rubbed the magical lamp? Nothing.

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How do you stop a baby from crying? Throw it off the top of the Empire State Building.

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How do you please a black person? Shower him with love and affection.

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Why did Sally Drop here ice cream? She was hit by a bus. Knock Knock? *who's there* Not Sally.

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Whats big red and eats rocks? A big red rock eater.

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What's the best way to get gum out of your hair? Cancer

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Heartlight

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Why can't Helen Keller conduct a Train. Because she is dead.

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One day a man was out fishing in the lake. Suddenly, there was a huge fish pulling his fishing pole so hard it almost broke. Luckily, he managed to pull the fish into his boat. It was the biggest fish he had ever caught and he brought it home for his family to see. They were all very proud.

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What happened to the lady with cancer?? She got shot!!

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roses are violets red is blue i like doughnuts doughnuts are good

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i have a christmas tree.

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Hello

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Two men walk into a bar, they weren't looking where they were going.

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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