Why are they the "living" daylights?

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Toaster

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What do Tom Cruise and Santa Claus have in common? They're both Tom Cruise.

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Explain the term 'Standard of Living'? Not having sex with diseased and obese women.

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"Hey Jeff, how are you?" "Yes."

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You know what really grinds my gears? Shifting into "park" before my car's fully stopped.

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What do you do when you see a plumbers crack. Tell him he has another crack to fill

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What's black and blue and red all over? A baby right after I kill it

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Why did the Jewish boy grab his groin? Because he was just circumcised.

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Don't you sometime just want to chop of your toes and stomp around to prove to the so called 'experts' that it is possible for a person to walk without toes? . . . . . . me neither

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Whats yellow and cant swim? a bulldozer

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lol a man is drowning

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Whos breath stinks and mas in jail. Bomber Neville

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Two guys walk into the woods an saw a naked lady.One guys ran away. When his friend met up with him he ask why did u run away. He siad "my mom said if i a naked lady that i would turn to stone and i felt myself getting hard."

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What did the officer say to the black man? You're under arrest.

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I like apples. So does Mr. Johnson from the local fruit stand.

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pretend its saturday.... what is the square root of 9? who cares? everyone knows that you don't do math on saturday.

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whats red and black and green all over? a paint job gone bad

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Can you answer one question for me? Yes Thank you

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Do you know what hurts? An abortion.

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What sounds really bad? An accordion.

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Why did the wife leave her husband? Because they were having sexual differences and time restraints. The husband worked nightshifts as a nurse while the woman stayed home and took care of their child. The husband confessed he never wanted a child in the first place, and that having sexual intercourse with her didn't truly satisfy him.

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BBC have a new porn channel. C Boobies...

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub? 17

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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